3 for 1 on Black Bean Chili

Slow-Cooked Black Bean Chili.

Ingredients:
1 LB Black Beans.
4 Fresh Tomatoes, Large Dice.
2 Medium Onions, Small Dice.
2 Jalapenos, Seeded and Diced.
1 Pint Tomato Puree.
2 Pints Beer.(or Water, if you're a communist)
3 TBSP Chili Powder
4 Cloves Garlic, Minced
Salt, Pepper to Taste.

The Process:
Part I
1. Wash the Black Beans. Soak overnight.

Part II
2. Drain the Black Beans.
3. Sweat the Onion, Minced Garlic, and Jalapenos in a sauce pot over medium-high heat.
3. Add the Black Beans, Tomato Puree, Onion, Beer, and Chili Powder to the Onion, Garlic, and Jalapenos.
4. Simmer for several hours on low-heat until reduced.
5. Check after the first hour to see if the beans have softened. Once they are softened to your liking, serve over boiled white rice. 

This is a recipe I make when I’m being really lazy. I like to pretend occasionally cooking vegan food like this is expanding my horizons, but in this case it’s honestly just a chance to make an easy meal using cheap ingredients.

In addition to that, most of the above measurements are just guidelines. Add more of anything to adjust to your own personal taste. Just make sure there's enough liquid to keep your chili from burning. 

Really it’s kind of funny how this has become a go-to recipe for me. The first time I had meatless chili as a child, I literally cried because there was no meat in the chili. How could you have chili without meat? It just didn’t seem right. Rightfully so my grandmother kicked my ass all the way up to my bedroom without dinner for being a right bastard about the whole no-meat thing. That’s not a particularly proud moment in my own early culinary development. Eventually I grew up (kind of) and looking back at my reaction to the concept of dinner without beef sort of reminds me that kid’s don’t know a damn thing about food.

There are some recipes that will recommend you make Chili with Tofu in it, I it’s a bad idea to mix tofu into the chili. The long cooking process and the strength of the spices in the chili tends to overwhelm the tofu and turn it into a mushy mess. This is disgusting, and it’s exactly what happens when you try to ‘replace’ meat instead of just plain’ ol not using it.

If you do want Tofu with this, I recommend taking a slice about ½ inch thick, and pan searing it in a little olive oil with Salt & Pepper. One of Extra Firm Tofu’s strengths (in my estimation) is how it’s texture is vaguely reminiscent of a Frittata or Tortilla Espanola. Therefore, consider as a brunch item, this set up:

Tofu Rancheros:

The Ingredients:
1 Cup Black Bean Chili
2 Slices (½ Inch Thick) Extra Firm Tofu, Pan Seared.
1 Cup Small Diced Potatoes, Boiled until tender, drained, and then Pan Fried in blended Olive and Truffle Oil.
1 Tortilla, Pan Fried in Olive Oil.
1 Sprig Cilantro
1 Wedge Lime
2 TBSP Pico de Gallo (Fresh Made)

The Process:
1. Fry the Tortilla, pat dry.
2. Place the Tortilla on your serving Plate.
3. Top the Tortilla with the Pan Fried Potatoes.
4. Pour the Chili on top of the Potatoes.
5. Rest the Pan Seared Tofu on top of the Chili.
6. Garnish with Cilantro, Lime, and Pico de Gallo.

So there you go. If you bother to make it, tell me what you think.

Oh, also for the record:

Pico de Gallo

Ingredients:
1 Small Diced Onion
2 Small Diced Tomatoes
1 Small Diced Jalapeno
2 Wedge Lime
2 TBSP Minced Cilantro

The Process:
1. Combined the Tomato, Jalapeno, Onion, and Cilantro.
2. Squeeze the Lime Wedges into the mixture.
3. Stir.
4. Consume. 

Three recipes in one today. Because I’m just that awesome.

The Popcorn Story

The first job I ever had was working the concession stand at a movie theater in Columbia, Maryland. 

The town itself has a nickname: “The Colum-bubble” earned its nickname for being a place completely off on its own little world separated from the two nearest major cities (Washington, D.C. and Baltimore, MD) where the ethics of suburban lifestyle held sway. The education system managed to be “one of the best in the country” while still managing to teach students surprisingly little about the real world ( Only one teacher I ever had actually brought up the concept of “critical thinking”). The most celebrated people were those parents who managed to crap out the most kids and simultaneously enroll those children in as many after school activities as possible. The 1 bedroom condos that cost $100,000 (in the Maryland suburbs, mind you) were considered the “poor” or the “rough” part of town. Fast food and chain restaurants abound - all to ease the burden on the overwrought self important housewife. Woe be upon the lowly movie theater conscript who gets in the way of the mother hen and her gaggle of pre-pubescent entitlement machines.

I mention this because one of the first experiences I had where I was actually responsible for preparing food for people outside of my family to eat was at this movie theater. Since it was a chain movie theater and hence had a) little food to prepare and b) strict guidelines as to how to prepare said food it became a bit of a game to see how far we could stretch the guidelines to make what our 16 year old palettes defined as “better” food.

The movie theater had pizza, and pretzels, and hot dogs - but these all had pretty standard cooking instructions that came along with them. The pizzas were a bit of a problem - they came in pre-frozen and the oven never quite worked right so we had to constantly adjust how we were making them. Plus they took five minutes to cook - an eternity to wait in a busy movie theater right before your show was about to start, so naturally there were always complaints along with the orders for them. They were a terrible product to serve to movie theater patrons, but they made decent food for us on our breaks.

The pizzas went away, though. (Although the corporate overlords eventually brought them back long after I quit) The big important item at a movie theater concession stand is and has pretty much always been popcorn. This is what my fellow employees and I liked to play with the most. There was a giant machine with an automatic agitator that would stir the popcorn as it cooked. Basically we were supposed to dump a load of popcorn in, put in a pre-measured scoop of salt, and click the oil button once to set the machine going. Because this is no fun, we pretty quickly decided to say “fuck it” and make the popcorn in the means which best suit our fancy at any given moment. 3 shots of oil? Fuck it you go to the movies to eat fatty food anyway. An extra measuring cup of salt? Why not - see the prior reason... Except replace fatty with salty. (duh) We became craftsmen in search of the perfect method of mass producing popcorn. Some times things held better in a warmer, sometimes our experiments failed so terribly we had to pop a regular batch and mix in it with the over-salted over-oiled batch to keep from getting yelled at by our supervisors. (Luckily they were most often too interested in the upper echelon’s version of “who’s screwing who” to care that much… or there was the guy who always ran to the office to play StarCraft. I kind of respect him more.) But either way this whole process engendered in me a desire to work to improve the products I’ve worked on. I like to think its because I take pride in what I’m producing, but some people might describe it as a degree of artistic flare (Oh no! Food + Art = never being hired by Anthony Bourdain according to “Kitchen Confidential”)

So I went to culinary school. Partially because of that, but also partially because this I thought this girl I wanted to nail in high school was going to go to one.

So then I got a job working at the previously mentioned “most ridiculously named hotel ever.” We made popcorn. I think I mentioned this. If I didn’t, whatever. Piss off. We didn’t have a giant machine or pre-measured standards or what-have-you, but I did get to play around with the recipes quite a bit more. This was fun. Of course I had to learn a new method of cooking popcorn. Instead of relying on the agitator, I had to do it myself. This is actually a pretty simple process - put a lid on the big pot and hold the handle and the lid down (using towels or sufficiently thick oven mitts) and then shake the pot around as you cook. Listen for the same clues you would for microwave popcorn, then take it off the heat. Pretty simple.

So anyway, I’m not sure where I’m going with that particular story except to say that Popcorn is probably one of my favorite go-to treats, and I’ll pretty much take any chance to gussy it up a little bit for no other reason then “because I can.” My dog appreciates this. She likes popcorn. Her name is Maralynn.

(I’ve found the easiest way to the Internet’s heart is to put up pictures of adorable animals)

So, I’ve mentioned Bacon popcorn before, but to be honest I’m kind of tired of talking about bacon. So here’s an other recipe.

CHILI POPCORN:

The Ingredients:
2 TBSP Olive Oil
1 TBSP Chili Oil
1 TSP Picante Sauce
2 TSP Kosher Salt
½ CUP Unpopped Popcorn Kernels

The Process:
1) Grab a sauce pot with a lid.
2) Place the pot on a medium-high burner.
3) Add the oil to the pot.
4) add the kosher salt and picante sauce.
5) add the popcorn, stir quickly to coat.
6) place the lid on the pot.
7) while holding the lid on tight, shake the pot to move the kernels around.
8) When the popping has peaked, then reduced to 1-2 pops per second, remove the pot from the heat.
9) wait several seconds for the popping to stop.
10) top with whatever toppings you desire (Salt, Butter, Your Mom)
11) Pour in a bowl and serve.