So… Eataly. We meet at last.
Hey, the sorbet was good. That counts right? I suppose it pretty much has to - since that was the only thing I actually bothered to eat there. In all fairness, I didn’t expect to wander into the place when the evening started, I just sort of stumbled across it while walking home from a grad school info session. It took me a second or … fifteen… to realize what it was I saw in the periphery of my vision before it clicked and I realized “Hey, that’s that Italian super grocery store jazz whatever hooplah all the foodies are abuzz about at the moment… or a month ago… or whenever it was.” Anyway, since I apparently don’t care that Mario Batali screws over his wait staff, I decided to hop in and give it a try. “This is my chance to get on the ground floor of the Culinary Advant-Garde” I thought.
Being a responsible adult human male who totally remembers to put the toilet seat down and opens doors for ladies and totally never whacked his girlfriend in the back of the head with a wii remote twice I thought “I’ll be responsible and limit myself to five dollars… pick up a couple of tiny samples and be on my way.”
Well… Unlike the Advant-Garde film, which you can see for free because nobody wants to watch a lesbian mow her lawn backwards for two hours, being on the cutting edge of the culinary scene is a bit on the expensive side. Individual chocolate truffles for $35 per pound and $40 sticks of salami (oh baby, mine isn’t that expensive - wink wink nudge nudge say no more) - well they sort of priced me out pretty quick. I keep forgetting that food is expensive in New York because, well, I don’t think anything I cook at work is all that fantastic - never mind that it’s $40 on the menu, to me it’s not any more spectacular than something I threw together using $8 worth of Ingredients from the Met.
Of course, It’s not like I walked into Eataly expecting deep discounts - the online reviews I had read prior to my adventure prepared me for that - plus it’s on 23rd street in Manhattan - that would be pricey even if a celebrity chef hadn’t tagged his name onto it.
An other problem I had with the place was its layout.
It’s designed to be a slow casual experience designed to get you to respect your ingredients and take your time yada yada yada blah blah blah. At the same time it falls into that grocery store trope of arranging all the items in such a way that you HAVE to walk past the impulse items. Then it’s got some old Italian town market crap going on. It doesn’t really work… and It’s set up in such a way that half the time I wasn’t sure if I was in an aisle or had somehow wound up behind the counter. Honestly I fully suspect that at least half of the workforce are tourists who’ve found themselves very very lost.
Now even with all that, I wouldn’t exactly say that there was a dizzying array of foodstuffs. Now what there was looked good, but the dried pastas were pretty much the same I could get at The Met, and pouring $6 per pound for pasta scraps seemed a bit much for me (Try the pasta, it’s got a real nice profit margin - Master Chef Elzar, Futurama) The Wine & Beer selection wasn’t that impressive. It’s easier for me to find a nice Italian wine in the shop down the street on Grand Avenue. It’s as simple as that.
Long story short though: I tried the Sorbet.
The Amaretto-Apricot sorbet, to be specific… and it was REALLY good. Light and Creamy with little crunchy bits and a flavor that lasted with me on the whole train ride home. The only better frozen dessert I’ve had was Mango Ice Cream from a random back-alley stand in the Netherlands once (there may have been mitigating factors that made that the best ice cream ever, but I digress)
I kept trying to find a way to rationalize it, and say “Well, it’s good - but was it really worth $5?” but the texture was just perfect. The flavor definite, but not to the point of being overwhelming. It was perfectly balanced and fantastic. I couldn’t stand it. It was too good for a place that felt like an upscale Costco to me. The best I could think was “Maybe not Five Dollars, more like 3 Euros.” but that’s the EXACT SAME PRICE.
So it was really good. But am I excited to go back? Am I going to take out-of-town friends to visit the place? Will I frequent the place with my in-town friends? In my opinion, I’ll always be more excited about the Amish Market in Laurel, Maryland or Samantha’s Southern Cuisine in Clinton Hill. So the answer to your (okay, my) questions in the order asked are: Not really, No, and Probably Not.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
RANDOM STREETCART REVIEW I
So I haven’t been anywhere really fancy recently.
I’ve been to work. It’s relatively fancy, sure, but I haven’t had a chance to sit and enjoy the ambiance and savor the food. What I’ve eaten there has been scarfed down hurredly before the next wave of orders hits. Nope, as for me - I’m a workin’ man, ain’t got no time to do no fancy reviews of no high falutin’ places these days.
So here’s a review of the Food Cart in Court Square on Jackson Ave. between the G/E station and the 7 Station:
First off, the location is pretty stellar. They’ve parked themselves right along the sidewalk connecting the two stations, and anyone who’s commuting from Brooklyn to Queens on the G train who doesn’t want to take the grand tour through manhattan pretty much has to stop there. So for location I give them an A+
As for food, they’ve got some cooked food - pretty standard hallal/kosher/no-pork whatever stuff. Trkey bacon and sausage, eggs, blah blah blah. What really calls to you when you walk by is the baked goods arranged in the glass display case in the front. They’re right out there, you can grab some and be on your way in less than 30 seconds. If you’re stopping at a stand like this on your way to work - it’s the baked goods you’re looking for.
The Doughnuts are a little misshapen, at least the one I tried was, but it was a good 50% bigger than your average Dunkin’ Donuts faire. It was more in that style, as opposed to say a Krispie Kreme type doughnut. They did it pretty decently, and honestly it works in a pinch.
The glazed doughnuts are pretty good as well, they have them in both traditional rings and larger cigars. If you’re really hungry go for the Cigar, It’s an amazing size for the dollar.
In terms of other baked goods, they have a variety of croissants, bagels, and the like. The Chocolate Croissant is filled with a semi-sweet chocolate and it too is pretty decent. My favorite to this point, though, has got to be the Pistachio Chocolate Cigar. Like a croissant, but stretched out, filled with pistachio, and drizzled with chocolate.
Yum.
So there it is, and that’s my update for the moment: a review of a food cart. If you’re ever there stop by and grab something.
I’ve been to work. It’s relatively fancy, sure, but I haven’t had a chance to sit and enjoy the ambiance and savor the food. What I’ve eaten there has been scarfed down hurredly before the next wave of orders hits. Nope, as for me - I’m a workin’ man, ain’t got no time to do no fancy reviews of no high falutin’ places these days.
So here’s a review of the Food Cart in Court Square on Jackson Ave. between the G/E station and the 7 Station:
First off, the location is pretty stellar. They’ve parked themselves right along the sidewalk connecting the two stations, and anyone who’s commuting from Brooklyn to Queens on the G train who doesn’t want to take the grand tour through manhattan pretty much has to stop there. So for location I give them an A+
As for food, they’ve got some cooked food - pretty standard hallal/kosher/no-pork whatever stuff. Trkey bacon and sausage, eggs, blah blah blah. What really calls to you when you walk by is the baked goods arranged in the glass display case in the front. They’re right out there, you can grab some and be on your way in less than 30 seconds. If you’re stopping at a stand like this on your way to work - it’s the baked goods you’re looking for.
The Doughnuts are a little misshapen, at least the one I tried was, but it was a good 50% bigger than your average Dunkin’ Donuts faire. It was more in that style, as opposed to say a Krispie Kreme type doughnut. They did it pretty decently, and honestly it works in a pinch.
The glazed doughnuts are pretty good as well, they have them in both traditional rings and larger cigars. If you’re really hungry go for the Cigar, It’s an amazing size for the dollar.
In terms of other baked goods, they have a variety of croissants, bagels, and the like. The Chocolate Croissant is filled with a semi-sweet chocolate and it too is pretty decent. My favorite to this point, though, has got to be the Pistachio Chocolate Cigar. Like a croissant, but stretched out, filled with pistachio, and drizzled with chocolate.
Yum.
So there it is, and that’s my update for the moment: a review of a food cart. If you’re ever there stop by and grab something.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Work Work Work
Started work yesterday. Seems fun. Simple food, moderate to fast paced. Not a lot of down time (not that I noticed yesterday, anyway.)
Also: long commute, work on the A/C tracks and G train shuts down after 10:30 so I had to go into Manhattan to get home, and that was pretty much a catastrophe.
Anyway, that's why I didn't update with anything yesterday.
I may drop my updates down to 3x per week, or create more of a backlog of articles to post on my days off, but for right now... I'm off to work!
Also: long commute, work on the A/C tracks and G train shuts down after 10:30 so I had to go into Manhattan to get home, and that was pretty much a catastrophe.
Anyway, that's why I didn't update with anything yesterday.
I may drop my updates down to 3x per week, or create more of a backlog of articles to post on my days off, but for right now... I'm off to work!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Follow-Up From Yesterday
I spent all night reading Hacked IRL and Chowhound. In retrospect I probably could've done something more productive - but that would've involved an ounce of initiative.
Anyway, here's how you make grits:
Ingredients:
Grits
Water
Salt
The Process:
Take a big ol' sauce pot. put a whole bunch of water in it.
Bring that water to a boil over high heat. Put some salt in it.
Whisk in about 1/3 to 1/2 as much grits as there is water into the mix.
Reduce the heat to medium-low, Simmer for 20 minutes - or until the water is absorbed and the grits are smooth. (you may have to add extra water)
Serve.
If you want to mix in cheese, butter or anything in that same vein, do it once the grits are done boiling.
Now that you know how to make Grits, take that Fish Recipe I showed you folks the other night and make yourself some Fish & Grits.
Anyway, here's how you make grits:
Ingredients:
Grits
Water
Salt
The Process:
Take a big ol' sauce pot. put a whole bunch of water in it.
Bring that water to a boil over high heat. Put some salt in it.
Whisk in about 1/3 to 1/2 as much grits as there is water into the mix.
Reduce the heat to medium-low, Simmer for 20 minutes - or until the water is absorbed and the grits are smooth. (you may have to add extra water)
Serve.
If you want to mix in cheese, butter or anything in that same vein, do it once the grits are done boiling.
Now that you know how to make Grits, take that Fish Recipe I showed you folks the other night and make yourself some Fish & Grits.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
This is One Way to Fry Fish.
I may have mentioned this before:
Just about everywhere I’ve worked has had some sort of major equipment or supply shortage for one reason or another. Learning how to deal with this is probably the most useful thing I got out of learning how to cook at Baltimore International College. With the exception of the showroom kitchens - which had fancy looking equipment, but far too many students to offer all students a chance to learn how to use them - most of the kitchens I studied in while I was attending BIC included rows of metal tables with countless duplicates of the stove from your first apartment in between. This meant we had to improvise a fair amount of the time - Instead of a temperature controlled deep fryer, when we had to fry something we would just fill a Brazier (note: do not confuse with Brassiere, please. Think of the children.) with vegetable oil - turn on the heat - and either flick some water into it, or stick a wooden spoon handle-down into the grease to see when it was ready. Forget Blenders - we made Hollandaise the OLD FASHIONED way - aka the way you NEVER make it in a restaurant unless you want to be bounced out the door. Part of me still thinks “Holland-aise” should be mayo with weed in it - do you see what I did there?
… anyway, This has helped me do a bit of home cooking from time to time. Fried Fish or Fried Chicken is a whole heck of a lot easier to make with by just placing a generous layer of oil down the bottom of a wok and frying it that way, rather than using a snazzy contraption you just bought out of sky mall.
So, I’m gonna walk you through my favorite recipe for Fried Fish - but the breading method I’m about to mention can be used to bread just about anything.
In the case of this recipe I’m not giving specific amounts. The general rule is to make sure you have enough of each ingredient to cover whatever you’re battering - and to avoid clumps of batter in the individual ingredients.
Pan-Fried Tilapia
Ingredients:
Tilapia Filets
Flour
Eggs
Panko Bread Crumbs
Salt, Pepper, Spices.
The Process:
Prep:
1. Arrange the thawed Tilapia on a plate or in a shallow vessel of some sort. Pat dry with a paper towel.
2. Pour a generous amount of Flour into a flat, shallow vessel such as a cake pan or hotel pan.
3. Add the Salt, Pepper, and Spices to the Flour.
4. Do the same with the Bread Crumbs.
5. Crack a few eggs into a bowl and whisk them together. Pour the eggs into a Cake Pan or Hotel Pan.
6. Arrange the Ingredients as Such on the counter:
Tilapia - Flour - Eggs - Breadcrumbs
7. Place an other empty vessel at the end to hold the battered fish.
Tilapia - Flour - Eggs - Breadcrumbs - Breaded Tilapia
8. Take a piece of Tilapia with one hand. Place it in the Flour.
9. Using that same hand, pile some flour (covering the Tilapia) on top of the Tilapia. Pat gently.
10. Pick up the Tilapia - with the same hand - and gently shake off the excess flour.
11. Place the Tilapia in the Egg Mixture. Pick Up, Flip Over. Shake off excess egg mixture.
12. Using your OTHER hand, place the Tilapia in the Bread Crumbs. Pile the breadcrumbs on top (covering the Tilapia) and pat down in a fashion similar to what you did with the flour.
13. Pick up, place in the empty vessel.
14. Repeat until you have breaded all of the Tilapia.
Cooking:
15. Fill the Wok or Frying Pan about 1/3 to 1/2 full with Vegetable Oil, Corn Oil, Peanut Oil, or Soy Oil (or any combination thereof)
16. Turn on the Heat to Medium / Medium-High.
17. When you stick a wooden spoon into the oil and bubbles come up rapidly, your grease is ready.
(alternatively, you can drop a small amount of batter - or flick a very very small (like, 1 or 2 droplets) amount of water into the grease to see if its ready. If it sizzles, it is.)
18. Gently place the Breaded Tilapia Filet in the Heated Grease. Use a metal ladle to ladle some hot grease on top of the Tilapia if it is not completely submerged. If necessary, flip after a few minutes.
19. Cook until the coating turns golden brown. In a fish this thin it really shouldn’t take more than 5 minutes.
20. Remove from Oil, Place on a paper-towel lined plate to drain excess oil.
21. Plate & Serve.
22. CONSUME.
Just about everywhere I’ve worked has had some sort of major equipment or supply shortage for one reason or another. Learning how to deal with this is probably the most useful thing I got out of learning how to cook at Baltimore International College. With the exception of the showroom kitchens - which had fancy looking equipment, but far too many students to offer all students a chance to learn how to use them - most of the kitchens I studied in while I was attending BIC included rows of metal tables with countless duplicates of the stove from your first apartment in between. This meant we had to improvise a fair amount of the time - Instead of a temperature controlled deep fryer, when we had to fry something we would just fill a Brazier (note: do not confuse with Brassiere, please. Think of the children.) with vegetable oil - turn on the heat - and either flick some water into it, or stick a wooden spoon handle-down into the grease to see when it was ready. Forget Blenders - we made Hollandaise the OLD FASHIONED way - aka the way you NEVER make it in a restaurant unless you want to be bounced out the door. Part of me still thinks “Holland-aise” should be mayo with weed in it - do you see what I did there?
… anyway, This has helped me do a bit of home cooking from time to time. Fried Fish or Fried Chicken is a whole heck of a lot easier to make with by just placing a generous layer of oil down the bottom of a wok and frying it that way, rather than using a snazzy contraption you just bought out of sky mall.
So, I’m gonna walk you through my favorite recipe for Fried Fish - but the breading method I’m about to mention can be used to bread just about anything.
In the case of this recipe I’m not giving specific amounts. The general rule is to make sure you have enough of each ingredient to cover whatever you’re battering - and to avoid clumps of batter in the individual ingredients.
Pan-Fried Tilapia
Ingredients:
Tilapia Filets
Flour
Eggs
Panko Bread Crumbs
Salt, Pepper, Spices.
The Process:
Prep:
1. Arrange the thawed Tilapia on a plate or in a shallow vessel of some sort. Pat dry with a paper towel.
2. Pour a generous amount of Flour into a flat, shallow vessel such as a cake pan or hotel pan.
3. Add the Salt, Pepper, and Spices to the Flour.
4. Do the same with the Bread Crumbs.
5. Crack a few eggs into a bowl and whisk them together. Pour the eggs into a Cake Pan or Hotel Pan.
6. Arrange the Ingredients as Such on the counter:
Tilapia - Flour - Eggs - Breadcrumbs
7. Place an other empty vessel at the end to hold the battered fish.
Tilapia - Flour - Eggs - Breadcrumbs - Breaded Tilapia
8. Take a piece of Tilapia with one hand. Place it in the Flour.
9. Using that same hand, pile some flour (covering the Tilapia) on top of the Tilapia. Pat gently.
10. Pick up the Tilapia - with the same hand - and gently shake off the excess flour.
11. Place the Tilapia in the Egg Mixture. Pick Up, Flip Over. Shake off excess egg mixture.
12. Using your OTHER hand, place the Tilapia in the Bread Crumbs. Pile the breadcrumbs on top (covering the Tilapia) and pat down in a fashion similar to what you did with the flour.
13. Pick up, place in the empty vessel.
14. Repeat until you have breaded all of the Tilapia.
Cooking:
15. Fill the Wok or Frying Pan about 1/3 to 1/2 full with Vegetable Oil, Corn Oil, Peanut Oil, or Soy Oil (or any combination thereof)
16. Turn on the Heat to Medium / Medium-High.
17. When you stick a wooden spoon into the oil and bubbles come up rapidly, your grease is ready.
(alternatively, you can drop a small amount of batter - or flick a very very small (like, 1 or 2 droplets) amount of water into the grease to see if its ready. If it sizzles, it is.)
18. Gently place the Breaded Tilapia Filet in the Heated Grease. Use a metal ladle to ladle some hot grease on top of the Tilapia if it is not completely submerged. If necessary, flip after a few minutes.
19. Cook until the coating turns golden brown. In a fish this thin it really shouldn’t take more than 5 minutes.
20. Remove from Oil, Place on a paper-towel lined plate to drain excess oil.
21. Plate & Serve.
22. CONSUME.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
So, I Spent All Day Watching Star Trek...
Romulan Ale Recipe:
2 Shots Bacardi 151
2 Shots Everclear
2 Shots Blue Curacao.
Or:
2 Cups Blue Curacao
1 Cup Clear Rum
1/2 Cup Grain Alcohol
1/2 Cup Viso Will
Or:
1 Oz. Blue Curacao
2 Oz. Vodka
Ice Filled Glass,
Seltzer
Splash of Lemon Lime Soda
Blueberries (garnish)
There are a few things that bug me about these drink recipes. The primary thing is that none of them are actually ALE. So prepare for NERDRAGE INFODUMP.
There are Cocktails in Star Trek. The "Warp Core Breach" or the "Samarian Sunset" are examples. While these mixed drinks are fine examples of cocktails, It is not an ALE and you fail booze forever.
Okay, so that's not really the NERDRAGE INFODUMP I promised, but I am literally so ANGRY WITH RAGE that I can't think of anything else to write. No recipes today.
Although I wonder if you could make a 'blue' beer by mixing Crystalweizen with Blue Curacao?
I guess we'll never know.
2 Shots Bacardi 151
2 Shots Everclear
2 Shots Blue Curacao.
Or:
2 Cups Blue Curacao
1 Cup Clear Rum
1/2 Cup Grain Alcohol
1/2 Cup Viso Will
Or:
1 Oz. Blue Curacao
2 Oz. Vodka
Ice Filled Glass,
Seltzer
Splash of Lemon Lime Soda
Blueberries (garnish)
There are a few things that bug me about these drink recipes. The primary thing is that none of them are actually ALE. So prepare for NERDRAGE INFODUMP.
There are Cocktails in Star Trek. The "Warp Core Breach" or the "Samarian Sunset" are examples. While these mixed drinks are fine examples of cocktails, It is not an ALE and you fail booze forever.
Okay, so that's not really the NERDRAGE INFODUMP I promised, but I am literally so ANGRY WITH RAGE that I can't think of anything else to write. No recipes today.
Although I wonder if you could make a 'blue' beer by mixing Crystalweizen with Blue Curacao?
I guess we'll never know.
Monday, September 6, 2010
I Never Got Why Cheesecake is a Slang Term for Semi-Naked Ladies.
Happy Labor Day! This recipe has nothing to do with Labor Day, Summer, or Fall!
Grand Marnier Cheesecake.
Ingredients:
3 LBS Cream Cheese
1 LB White Sugar
8 Whole Eggs
2 Oz Grand Marnier
1 TBSP Lemon Zest
½ CUPS Butter, Melted
2 CUPS Graham Cracker Crumbs
The Process:
1. Mix the Graham Cracker Crumbs and the Butter Together.
2. Press into the bottom of a Round Cake Pan or a Springform Cake Pan.
3. Let the Crust set up for several hours in a refrigerator.
4. Using an Electric Mixer, cream together the Sugar, Zest, and the Cream Cheese.
5. Set the Electric Mixer to Slow. Add the eggs, 1 by 1 to the mix.
6. Stop the Mixer, Scrape the sides using a rubber spatula.
7. Resume Mixing for an other minute. Add the Grand Marnier.
8. Scrape, Repeat as necessary until thoroughly mixed.
9. Add the Cream Cheese Mix to the Graham Cracker Crust
10. Bake at 200 Degrees for an hour, or until the edges of the Cheesecake turn golden-brown, but the center is still white.
11. Chill overnight.
12. Devour.
Alternatively, you can set the cheesecake in a water bath. This will require a longer cooking time, but will help you avoid cracks on top.
Cheesecake is a Baked Custard, a lot like Crème Brulee.
I made this cake as a dessert special once upon a time… I spent a fair amount of time initially trying to get it right. Toying with a cheesecake recipe is a bother - because if you don’t cook it long enough then it doesn’t set up when you chill it, and you basically get a big pile of goop when you try to cut it. Also mixing it can be a pain, you really need to make sure to scrape the sides and don’t rely solely on the mixer. I have seriously messed up on this - my own recipe that I created - several times.
It’s been one of my favorite recipes to make a simple dessert that lots of people are guaranteed to love. It’s especially good for Holidays or Birthdays. I’ve topped it with glazed strawberries, blueberries, and kiwi to make a sort of fruit-tart, powdered sugar, fruit, and chocolate (shavings or ganache) also make decent toppings. I’ve also coated it with sugar and bruleed the top. This recipe works pretty well if you cut out the Grand Marnier and the Lemon Zest as well.
On the topic of Cheesecake:
I could spend a fair amount of time harping on The Cheesecake Factory - and how it’s what soccer moms think is upscale, and how cheesecake has sort of become an example of that in general, and I would be completely 100% right about that. But to be honest there’s not a lot to be said about those sort of chains - and the food they've watered down and mass marketed - that hasn’t already been covered in greater depth and more insight somewhere else. I don’t like them, I don’t think there’s a reason for me to give them any coverage. Also one time they served me a Kobe Burger with Mushrooms but no Cheese. When I asked for cheese they just brought me out a cold slice and were like “here” and I was like “WTF?” But it’s basically Uncle Moe’s Family Feedbag, and I think I’ve made my point sufficiently.
I haven’t got much of a story to go with this recipe, in the end. A girl I really liked once really liked this cheesecake when I gave her a piece. She decided to date some other jerk instead. I don’t really care about that story except as a way to show how much of a winy emo kid I was way back when… But this is one of those desserts that the ladies love. Seriously. I’ve gotten plenty of comments on it. Julie even likes it - and she’s really adamant about not liking cheesecake in most other situations. Especially the Cheesecake Factory.
I think that’s basically the main thrust of my argument here: I’m better at Cheesecake than the Cheesecake Factory.
Grand Marnier Cheesecake.
Ingredients:
3 LBS Cream Cheese
1 LB White Sugar
8 Whole Eggs
2 Oz Grand Marnier
1 TBSP Lemon Zest
½ CUPS Butter, Melted
2 CUPS Graham Cracker Crumbs
The Process:
1. Mix the Graham Cracker Crumbs and the Butter Together.
2. Press into the bottom of a Round Cake Pan or a Springform Cake Pan.
3. Let the Crust set up for several hours in a refrigerator.
4. Using an Electric Mixer, cream together the Sugar, Zest, and the Cream Cheese.
5. Set the Electric Mixer to Slow. Add the eggs, 1 by 1 to the mix.
6. Stop the Mixer, Scrape the sides using a rubber spatula.
7. Resume Mixing for an other minute. Add the Grand Marnier.
8. Scrape, Repeat as necessary until thoroughly mixed.
9. Add the Cream Cheese Mix to the Graham Cracker Crust
10. Bake at 200 Degrees for an hour, or until the edges of the Cheesecake turn golden-brown, but the center is still white.
11. Chill overnight.
12. Devour.
Alternatively, you can set the cheesecake in a water bath. This will require a longer cooking time, but will help you avoid cracks on top.
Cheesecake is a Baked Custard, a lot like Crème Brulee.
I made this cake as a dessert special once upon a time… I spent a fair amount of time initially trying to get it right. Toying with a cheesecake recipe is a bother - because if you don’t cook it long enough then it doesn’t set up when you chill it, and you basically get a big pile of goop when you try to cut it. Also mixing it can be a pain, you really need to make sure to scrape the sides and don’t rely solely on the mixer. I have seriously messed up on this - my own recipe that I created - several times.
It’s been one of my favorite recipes to make a simple dessert that lots of people are guaranteed to love. It’s especially good for Holidays or Birthdays. I’ve topped it with glazed strawberries, blueberries, and kiwi to make a sort of fruit-tart, powdered sugar, fruit, and chocolate (shavings or ganache) also make decent toppings. I’ve also coated it with sugar and bruleed the top. This recipe works pretty well if you cut out the Grand Marnier and the Lemon Zest as well.
On the topic of Cheesecake:
I could spend a fair amount of time harping on The Cheesecake Factory - and how it’s what soccer moms think is upscale, and how cheesecake has sort of become an example of that in general, and I would be completely 100% right about that. But to be honest there’s not a lot to be said about those sort of chains - and the food they've watered down and mass marketed - that hasn’t already been covered in greater depth and more insight somewhere else. I don’t like them, I don’t think there’s a reason for me to give them any coverage. Also one time they served me a Kobe Burger with Mushrooms but no Cheese. When I asked for cheese they just brought me out a cold slice and were like “here” and I was like “WTF?” But it’s basically Uncle Moe’s Family Feedbag, and I think I’ve made my point sufficiently.
I haven’t got much of a story to go with this recipe, in the end. A girl I really liked once really liked this cheesecake when I gave her a piece. She decided to date some other jerk instead. I don’t really care about that story except as a way to show how much of a winy emo kid I was way back when… But this is one of those desserts that the ladies love. Seriously. I’ve gotten plenty of comments on it. Julie even likes it - and she’s really adamant about not liking cheesecake in most other situations. Especially the Cheesecake Factory.
I think that’s basically the main thrust of my argument here: I’m better at Cheesecake than the Cheesecake Factory.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
In Theory.
I've had a thought inspired by this little number:
http://thedailywh.at/post/1071191227/kickass-comestible-of-the-day-the-full-english#disqus_thread
Indestructables.com Via The Daily What,
"Kickass Comestible of the Day: The Full English Breakfast Pizza — pizza dough, grated cheese, 1 tomato, 1 potato, 1 egg, 2 mushrooms, 2 sausages, 3 rashers of bacon, 5tbs. of baked beans, and 1/2 a small tin of tomato puree."
The comments range from "BARF" to "Wow, I actually thought that was puke for a split second."
Myself, honestly, think "It's a decent Idea, if poorly executed"
Here's how I'd go about it - Mind you this is only a theory:
Ingredients:
Pizza Crust
Rashers - Fully Cooked, Medium Dice
Breakfast Sausage - Fully Cooked, Small Dice
Baked Beans
Mushrooms - Sliced
Potato Coins (Boiled)
Tomato - Medium Dice
Cheddar Cheese
Egg
Olive Oil
Minced Chives and Parsley
The Process:
1. Toss the Pizza Dough to approximate a 14 inch Brooklyn Style Crust
2. Puree the Baked Beans along with whatever you choose to zazz them up a bit. (I find canned baked beans a bit dull)
3. Coat the Mushrooms and Tomatoes in Olive Oil and Herbs. Roast.
4. Par-cook the Pizza Dough.
5. Spread the Bean Puree on the Par-Cooked Dough.
6. Add the Roasted Mushrooms, Tomatoes, Bacon, and Sausage on top of the Bean Puree.
7. Top Generously with Grated Cheddar Cheese.
8. Crack the Egg over the Cheese.
9. Bake until Done.
10. Devour.
Now keep in mind, I haven't actually made this. But given the tools, I believe I could make this happen.
and it would be AWESOME.
so in short, when I saw the original picture I thought "The only thing wrong with this is the whole beans and the poor excuse for crust"
http://thedailywh.at/post/1071191227/kickass-comestible-of-the-day-the-full-english#disqus_thread
Indestructables.com Via The Daily What,
"Kickass Comestible of the Day: The Full English Breakfast Pizza — pizza dough, grated cheese, 1 tomato, 1 potato, 1 egg, 2 mushrooms, 2 sausages, 3 rashers of bacon, 5tbs. of baked beans, and 1/2 a small tin of tomato puree."
The comments range from "BARF" to "Wow, I actually thought that was puke for a split second."
Myself, honestly, think "It's a decent Idea, if poorly executed"
Here's how I'd go about it - Mind you this is only a theory:
Ingredients:
Pizza Crust
Rashers - Fully Cooked, Medium Dice
Breakfast Sausage - Fully Cooked, Small Dice
Baked Beans
Mushrooms - Sliced
Potato Coins (Boiled)
Tomato - Medium Dice
Cheddar Cheese
Egg
Olive Oil
Minced Chives and Parsley
The Process:
1. Toss the Pizza Dough to approximate a 14 inch Brooklyn Style Crust
2. Puree the Baked Beans along with whatever you choose to zazz them up a bit. (I find canned baked beans a bit dull)
3. Coat the Mushrooms and Tomatoes in Olive Oil and Herbs. Roast.
4. Par-cook the Pizza Dough.
5. Spread the Bean Puree on the Par-Cooked Dough.
6. Add the Roasted Mushrooms, Tomatoes, Bacon, and Sausage on top of the Bean Puree.
7. Top Generously with Grated Cheddar Cheese.
8. Crack the Egg over the Cheese.
9. Bake until Done.
10. Devour.
Now keep in mind, I haven't actually made this. But given the tools, I believe I could make this happen.
and it would be AWESOME.
so in short, when I saw the original picture I thought "The only thing wrong with this is the whole beans and the poor excuse for crust"
3 for 1 on Black Bean Chili
Slow-Cooked Black Bean Chili.
Ingredients:
1 LB Black Beans.
4 Fresh Tomatoes, Large Dice.
2 Medium Onions, Small Dice.
2 Jalapenos, Seeded and Diced.
1 Pint Tomato Puree.
2 Pints Beer.(or Water, if you're a communist)
3 TBSP Chili Powder
4 Cloves Garlic, Minced
Salt, Pepper to Taste.
The Process:
Part I
1. Wash the Black Beans. Soak overnight.
Part II
2. Drain the Black Beans.
3. Sweat the Onion, Minced Garlic, and Jalapenos in a sauce pot over medium-high heat.
3. Add the Black Beans, Tomato Puree, Onion, Beer, and Chili Powder to the Onion, Garlic, and Jalapenos.
4. Simmer for several hours on low-heat until reduced.
5. Check after the first hour to see if the beans have softened. Once they are softened to your liking, serve over boiled white rice.
This is a recipe I make when I’m being really lazy. I like to pretend occasionally cooking vegan food like this is expanding my horizons, but in this case it’s honestly just a chance to make an easy meal using cheap ingredients.
In addition to that, most of the above measurements are just guidelines. Add more of anything to adjust to your own personal taste. Just make sure there's enough liquid to keep your chili from burning.
Really it’s kind of funny how this has become a go-to recipe for me. The first time I had meatless chili as a child, I literally cried because there was no meat in the chili. How could you have chili without meat? It just didn’t seem right. Rightfully so my grandmother kicked my ass all the way up to my bedroom without dinner for being a right bastard about the whole no-meat thing. That’s not a particularly proud moment in my own early culinary development. Eventually I grew up (kind of) and looking back at my reaction to the concept of dinner without beef sort of reminds me that kid’s don’t know a damn thing about food.
There are some recipes that will recommend you make Chili with Tofu in it, I it’s a bad idea to mix tofu into the chili. The long cooking process and the strength of the spices in the chili tends to overwhelm the tofu and turn it into a mushy mess. This is disgusting, and it’s exactly what happens when you try to ‘replace’ meat instead of just plain’ ol not using it.
If you do want Tofu with this, I recommend taking a slice about ½ inch thick, and pan searing it in a little olive oil with Salt & Pepper. One of Extra Firm Tofu’s strengths (in my estimation) is how it’s texture is vaguely reminiscent of a Frittata or Tortilla Espanola. Therefore, consider as a brunch item, this set up:
Tofu Rancheros:
The Ingredients:
1 Cup Black Bean Chili
2 Slices (½ Inch Thick) Extra Firm Tofu, Pan Seared.
1 Cup Small Diced Potatoes, Boiled until tender, drained, and then Pan Fried in blended Olive and Truffle Oil.
1 Tortilla, Pan Fried in Olive Oil.
1 Sprig Cilantro
1 Wedge Lime
2 TBSP Pico de Gallo (Fresh Made)
The Process:
1. Fry the Tortilla, pat dry.
2. Place the Tortilla on your serving Plate.
3. Top the Tortilla with the Pan Fried Potatoes.
4. Pour the Chili on top of the Potatoes.
5. Rest the Pan Seared Tofu on top of the Chili.
6. Garnish with Cilantro, Lime, and Pico de Gallo.
So there you go. If you bother to make it, tell me what you think.
Oh, also for the record:
Pico de Gallo
Ingredients:
1 Small Diced Onion
2 Small Diced Tomatoes
1 Small Diced Jalapeno
2 Wedge Lime
2 TBSP Minced Cilantro
The Process:
1. Combined the Tomato, Jalapeno, Onion, and Cilantro.
2. Squeeze the Lime Wedges into the mixture.
3. Stir.
4. Consume.
Three recipes in one today. Because I’m just that awesome.
Ingredients:
1 LB Black Beans.
4 Fresh Tomatoes, Large Dice.
2 Medium Onions, Small Dice.
2 Jalapenos, Seeded and Diced.
1 Pint Tomato Puree.
2 Pints Beer.(or Water, if you're a communist)
3 TBSP Chili Powder
4 Cloves Garlic, Minced
Salt, Pepper to Taste.
The Process:
Part I
1. Wash the Black Beans. Soak overnight.
Part II
2. Drain the Black Beans.
3. Sweat the Onion, Minced Garlic, and Jalapenos in a sauce pot over medium-high heat.
3. Add the Black Beans, Tomato Puree, Onion, Beer, and Chili Powder to the Onion, Garlic, and Jalapenos.
4. Simmer for several hours on low-heat until reduced.
5. Check after the first hour to see if the beans have softened. Once they are softened to your liking, serve over boiled white rice.
This is a recipe I make when I’m being really lazy. I like to pretend occasionally cooking vegan food like this is expanding my horizons, but in this case it’s honestly just a chance to make an easy meal using cheap ingredients.
In addition to that, most of the above measurements are just guidelines. Add more of anything to adjust to your own personal taste. Just make sure there's enough liquid to keep your chili from burning.
Really it’s kind of funny how this has become a go-to recipe for me. The first time I had meatless chili as a child, I literally cried because there was no meat in the chili. How could you have chili without meat? It just didn’t seem right. Rightfully so my grandmother kicked my ass all the way up to my bedroom without dinner for being a right bastard about the whole no-meat thing. That’s not a particularly proud moment in my own early culinary development. Eventually I grew up (kind of) and looking back at my reaction to the concept of dinner without beef sort of reminds me that kid’s don’t know a damn thing about food.
There are some recipes that will recommend you make Chili with Tofu in it, I it’s a bad idea to mix tofu into the chili. The long cooking process and the strength of the spices in the chili tends to overwhelm the tofu and turn it into a mushy mess. This is disgusting, and it’s exactly what happens when you try to ‘replace’ meat instead of just plain’ ol not using it.
If you do want Tofu with this, I recommend taking a slice about ½ inch thick, and pan searing it in a little olive oil with Salt & Pepper. One of Extra Firm Tofu’s strengths (in my estimation) is how it’s texture is vaguely reminiscent of a Frittata or Tortilla Espanola. Therefore, consider as a brunch item, this set up:
Tofu Rancheros:
The Ingredients:
1 Cup Black Bean Chili
2 Slices (½ Inch Thick) Extra Firm Tofu, Pan Seared.
1 Cup Small Diced Potatoes, Boiled until tender, drained, and then Pan Fried in blended Olive and Truffle Oil.
1 Tortilla, Pan Fried in Olive Oil.
1 Sprig Cilantro
1 Wedge Lime
2 TBSP Pico de Gallo (Fresh Made)
The Process:
1. Fry the Tortilla, pat dry.
2. Place the Tortilla on your serving Plate.
3. Top the Tortilla with the Pan Fried Potatoes.
4. Pour the Chili on top of the Potatoes.
5. Rest the Pan Seared Tofu on top of the Chili.
6. Garnish with Cilantro, Lime, and Pico de Gallo.
So there you go. If you bother to make it, tell me what you think.
Oh, also for the record:
Pico de Gallo
Ingredients:
1 Small Diced Onion
2 Small Diced Tomatoes
1 Small Diced Jalapeno
2 Wedge Lime
2 TBSP Minced Cilantro
The Process:
1. Combined the Tomato, Jalapeno, Onion, and Cilantro.
2. Squeeze the Lime Wedges into the mixture.
3. Stir.
4. Consume.
Three recipes in one today. Because I’m just that awesome.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
CINNAMON TOAST AWESOME.
Oh Yeah, A Recipe!
Here you go! Also: Tomorrow is Vegan Brunch Day!
The Ingredients:
2 Slices White Bread
1 TBSP Butter, Melted
1 TBSP Sugar
1/2 TSP Cinnamon
The Process:
1. Toast the White Bread.
2. Brush the melted butter on the Toasted White Bread.
3. Mix together the Cinnamon and the Sugar
4. Sprinkle the Cinnamon and Sugar Mixture on the Buttered Toasted White Bread.
5. CONSUME
Here you go! Also: Tomorrow is Vegan Brunch Day!
The Ingredients:
2 Slices White Bread
1 TBSP Butter, Melted
1 TBSP Sugar
1/2 TSP Cinnamon
The Process:
1. Toast the White Bread.
2. Brush the melted butter on the Toasted White Bread.
3. Mix together the Cinnamon and the Sugar
4. Sprinkle the Cinnamon and Sugar Mixture on the Buttered Toasted White Bread.
5. CONSUME
FOOD is on the INTERNET
Here's how you find decent recipes online:
Skip the egg advisory board
The absolute worst recipes I’ve seen posted on the internet are from websites like the South Carolina Department of Agriculture or the National Cattlemen’s Beef Association. They want you to use pre-made French onion soup packets and frozen pre mixed whatever crap. They’re designed for the overworked overburdened overmedicated housewife. If you want to respect the ingredients they’re trying to hawk, there are tons of better places to look.
On the plus side, these kind of websites tend to have pretty decent charts on cuts and the like. Study them if you’ve got the free time.
Wiki recipes is useless.
It’s disorganized. That’s my main gripe, the Wiki format as adopted by the recipes wiki just doesn’t cut it. The disorganization shows: where easy appetizer recipes range from mixing strawberries and yogurt for a ‘dip’ to using a pressure cooker (for those beginners out there remember this line from the simpsons: “How do I use the Pressure Cooker?” - “Don’t!”) In addition to that, a great deal of the recipes are retreads - either copied from celebrity cook books, the egg advisory council (see above) - basically, you spend a lot of time sifting through useless information to find something useful.
Which is sort of the opposite of Wikipedia - where you can click on one link and keep finding interesting links until your face melts off and your bones decay. It’s a shame, really, but skip the recipe wikis.
Use websites that have a consistent format.
I can’t stress how important that is in the whole “cooking edible food” process. Hopping between standards of measurement, having everything crunched together in one “process” paragraph, alternating between words to describe the same technique, yada, yada, yada… it all spells out one general theme: you will fuck up this recipe.
This is the one time where I might actually suggest using a resource provided by the Food Network, their website, along with websites like Allrecipes and Epicurious provide a nice ‘launching’ point for people who aren’t really quite sure what they’re doing. In the case of Epicurious and Allrecipes, I’ve known at least a couple of Executive Chefs who’ve told me just to pull recipes off of those particular sites when they don’t have a ready-made recipe they want to use.
Add “authentic” to whatever you’re googling.
This is how I’ve found my favorite food related website. Chances are there’s someone out there who has spent a great deal of their free time cataloguing traditional family recipes from their own respective ‘home’ country or region. My favorite go-to websites for tips in cooking classic Italian, German, or really any Ethnic Cuisine are either someone’s own personal website or blog.
Some of my favorite examples include:
Binnur’s Turkish Cookbook
And
Tasty German Recipes
Now that I've told you that: umm... continue to rely on me for creative, fun, and easy recipes your kids will crave! or something like that. I don't know... but keep reading my blog.
Skip the egg advisory board
The absolute worst recipes I’ve seen posted on the internet are from websites like the South Carolina Department of Agriculture or the National Cattlemen’s Beef Association. They want you to use pre-made French onion soup packets and frozen pre mixed whatever crap. They’re designed for the overworked overburdened overmedicated housewife. If you want to respect the ingredients they’re trying to hawk, there are tons of better places to look.
On the plus side, these kind of websites tend to have pretty decent charts on cuts and the like. Study them if you’ve got the free time.
Wiki recipes is useless.
It’s disorganized. That’s my main gripe, the Wiki format as adopted by the recipes wiki just doesn’t cut it. The disorganization shows: where easy appetizer recipes range from mixing strawberries and yogurt for a ‘dip’ to using a pressure cooker (for those beginners out there remember this line from the simpsons: “How do I use the Pressure Cooker?” - “Don’t!”) In addition to that, a great deal of the recipes are retreads - either copied from celebrity cook books, the egg advisory council (see above) - basically, you spend a lot of time sifting through useless information to find something useful.
Which is sort of the opposite of Wikipedia - where you can click on one link and keep finding interesting links until your face melts off and your bones decay. It’s a shame, really, but skip the recipe wikis.
Use websites that have a consistent format.
I can’t stress how important that is in the whole “cooking edible food” process. Hopping between standards of measurement, having everything crunched together in one “process” paragraph, alternating between words to describe the same technique, yada, yada, yada… it all spells out one general theme: you will fuck up this recipe.
This is the one time where I might actually suggest using a resource provided by the Food Network, their website, along with websites like Allrecipes and Epicurious provide a nice ‘launching’ point for people who aren’t really quite sure what they’re doing. In the case of Epicurious and Allrecipes, I’ve known at least a couple of Executive Chefs who’ve told me just to pull recipes off of those particular sites when they don’t have a ready-made recipe they want to use.
Add “authentic” to whatever you’re googling.
This is how I’ve found my favorite food related website. Chances are there’s someone out there who has spent a great deal of their free time cataloguing traditional family recipes from their own respective ‘home’ country or region. My favorite go-to websites for tips in cooking classic Italian, German, or really any Ethnic Cuisine are either someone’s own personal website or blog.
Some of my favorite examples include:
Binnur’s Turkish Cookbook
And
Tasty German Recipes
Now that I've told you that: umm... continue to rely on me for creative, fun, and easy recipes your kids will crave! or something like that. I don't know... but keep reading my blog.
Friday, September 3, 2010
You Do Not Need to Ever Buy a Cook Book Ever Again.
I humbly submit to you: my reasoning.
1. Google It!
Every recipe ever is available online. Ever. There was a point where I’d get cook books every Christmas from my extended family because … well, it’s the laziest gift to give someone who “wants to get into cooking.” With the exception of the Star Trek Cookbook, which is more of a food prop guide than a cook book (because the recipes are terrible), I never much cared. Sure, I kept thinking “Oh, this’ll be neat” whenever I’d get one “I’m sure I can use it sometime to think up something” but when it really came down to it I’m way too lazy to thumb through a book when I can just type “Chocolate Cheesecake Recipe” into the Google and have a generally passable recipe in about 2 minutes.
Like This!
2. The Technique is More Important than the Ingredients.
What Cook Books I have kept and read are the professional textbooks like Gisslen’s Professional Cooking and Professional Baking which have a lot more to do with the technique than the recipe. If I want to remind myself how to fold butter and dough together to make Puff Pastry, or how to put together an obscure sauce I’ve not made in a while, I hop to one of those two books. It’s a great deal more like a technical manual than a “list of 30 dinner ideas your kids will love!” Once I’ve got the basics down, it’s (and keep in mind, everything I write here is strictly scientific*) at least a dozen times more fun to start improvising from that point.
3. Your Friends and Family Have Better Ideas.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from watching Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations - except that co-opting cultures is easier when you get paid to do it - it’s that big fancy chef type people love home-made food. For what it’s worth, some of my most successful dishes in the restaurant world have been adaptations of recipes I picked out of old family recipes. Same with the meals I’ve eaten. It’s why every ad for food in the history of ever has bragged about the product being “Just like Grandma Used to Make!” (I for one remember marching down on Christmas morning to find my grandmother standing over a hot stove of hydrogenated corn oil, high fructose corn syrup, and baker’s ammonia... [as for marching on Christmas, well, I'm from a German family.] )
4. Cook Books Cover the Same Territory Over and Over and Over…
With the exception of “Natural Harvest” cook books tend to tread over the same territory. Want an example?
Try here.
Or here.
Or here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.
Or, alternatively:
here, here, or here.
… There’s about 391 more of those, btw.
5. The Gimmicks, Oh Lord, The Gimmicks.
We’ve already touched on Natural Harvest which is probably the grossest, and Grilling and Cooking Healthy For Kids, but let’s not forget that just about everyone you’ve seen on TV has their own cook book. Should you learn to Grill from Bobby Flay’s book, or Emeril’s? How about Al Roker?
Insert joke about weather men
A quick browse around Amazon finds the following counts by genre:
Outdoor Cooking (that would be Grilling and Barbeque, by the by) : 262
Special Diet (Not like, Special Brownies Special): 20
Vegetables & Vegetarian: 18 (Green Beans and Bacon are vegetarian, right?)
Reference: 18 [Citation Needed]
Quick and Easy (Hey, just like your mom!): 33
Culinary Arts & Techniques: 20 (okay, some of these might be practical, but you probably don’t need 20 of them)
Regional & International: 41 (one for every country and region… that sounds right)
Special Occasions: 85 (“Grandma’s Funeral Burger” is my favorite)
Cooking by Ingredient: 72 (Why stop with Natural Harvest when your body produces so many more fluids?)
Special Appliances: 13 (Nobody ever wants to eat anything you cooked using a fleshlight)
Meals: 21 (if this is the section for meals, in what other context are you supposed to eat the other stuff?)
Baking: 19
… you’re getting the point of this.
Oh Wait: Those are just the books that have to do with Grilling. As in, There are 18 grilling reference books out there. Take into consideration then things like Fad Diets (In case you’ve never bothered to look it up, Atkins and South Beach are the EXACT SAME DIET), celebrity cookbooks, and other niche markets designed for the kind of people who “burn water" and all the remainder of the 107,000+ cook books on Amazon.com and you'll see I’ve developed an irrefutable demonstration that every cookbook ever is a cheap gimmick to make a buck. EVERY COOKBOOK IS THE SAME.
*as certified by top scienticians.
1. Google It!
Every recipe ever is available online. Ever. There was a point where I’d get cook books every Christmas from my extended family because … well, it’s the laziest gift to give someone who “wants to get into cooking.” With the exception of the Star Trek Cookbook, which is more of a food prop guide than a cook book (because the recipes are terrible), I never much cared. Sure, I kept thinking “Oh, this’ll be neat” whenever I’d get one “I’m sure I can use it sometime to think up something” but when it really came down to it I’m way too lazy to thumb through a book when I can just type “Chocolate Cheesecake Recipe” into the Google and have a generally passable recipe in about 2 minutes.
Like This!
2. The Technique is More Important than the Ingredients.
What Cook Books I have kept and read are the professional textbooks like Gisslen’s Professional Cooking and Professional Baking which have a lot more to do with the technique than the recipe. If I want to remind myself how to fold butter and dough together to make Puff Pastry, or how to put together an obscure sauce I’ve not made in a while, I hop to one of those two books. It’s a great deal more like a technical manual than a “list of 30 dinner ideas your kids will love!” Once I’ve got the basics down, it’s (and keep in mind, everything I write here is strictly scientific*) at least a dozen times more fun to start improvising from that point.
3. Your Friends and Family Have Better Ideas.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from watching Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations - except that co-opting cultures is easier when you get paid to do it - it’s that big fancy chef type people love home-made food. For what it’s worth, some of my most successful dishes in the restaurant world have been adaptations of recipes I picked out of old family recipes. Same with the meals I’ve eaten. It’s why every ad for food in the history of ever has bragged about the product being “Just like Grandma Used to Make!” (I for one remember marching down on Christmas morning to find my grandmother standing over a hot stove of hydrogenated corn oil, high fructose corn syrup, and baker’s ammonia... [as for marching on Christmas, well, I'm from a German family.] )
4. Cook Books Cover the Same Territory Over and Over and Over…
With the exception of “Natural Harvest” cook books tend to tread over the same territory. Want an example?
Try here.
Or here.
Or here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.
Or, alternatively:
here, here, or here.
… There’s about 391 more of those, btw.
5. The Gimmicks, Oh Lord, The Gimmicks.
We’ve already touched on Natural Harvest which is probably the grossest, and Grilling and Cooking Healthy For Kids, but let’s not forget that just about everyone you’ve seen on TV has their own cook book. Should you learn to Grill from Bobby Flay’s book, or Emeril’s? How about Al Roker?
Insert joke about weather men
A quick browse around Amazon finds the following counts by genre:
Outdoor Cooking (that would be Grilling and Barbeque, by the by) : 262
Special Diet (Not like, Special Brownies Special): 20
Vegetables & Vegetarian: 18 (Green Beans and Bacon are vegetarian, right?)
Reference: 18 [Citation Needed]
Quick and Easy (Hey, just like your mom!): 33
Culinary Arts & Techniques: 20 (okay, some of these might be practical, but you probably don’t need 20 of them)
Regional & International: 41 (one for every country and region… that sounds right)
Special Occasions: 85 (“Grandma’s Funeral Burger” is my favorite)
Cooking by Ingredient: 72 (Why stop with Natural Harvest when your body produces so many more fluids?)
Special Appliances: 13 (Nobody ever wants to eat anything you cooked using a fleshlight)
Meals: 21 (if this is the section for meals, in what other context are you supposed to eat the other stuff?)
Baking: 19
… you’re getting the point of this.
Oh Wait: Those are just the books that have to do with Grilling. As in, There are 18 grilling reference books out there. Take into consideration then things like Fad Diets (In case you’ve never bothered to look it up, Atkins and South Beach are the EXACT SAME DIET), celebrity cookbooks, and other niche markets designed for the kind of people who “burn water" and all the remainder of the 107,000+ cook books on Amazon.com and you'll see I’ve developed an irrefutable demonstration that every cookbook ever is a cheap gimmick to make a buck. EVERY COOKBOOK IS THE SAME.
*as certified by top scienticians.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Still Too Hot.
Seriously. It's way too hot.
Salad is a good hot day food.
Here's how you make salad dressing.
3 parts Olive Oil
1 part Vinegar
Herbs, Spices, Salt & Pepper to Taste
That's how you make vinaigrette. that's all too it. Next time you see a salad with Balsamic Vinaigrette or Raspberry Vinaigrette you can also think "Shortcut to extra $$$"
Salad is a good hot day food.
Here's how you make salad dressing.
3 parts Olive Oil
1 part Vinegar
Herbs, Spices, Salt & Pepper to Taste
That's how you make vinaigrette. that's all too it. Next time you see a salad with Balsamic Vinaigrette or Raspberry Vinaigrette you can also think "Shortcut to extra $$$"
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
It is too hot today. So Here's a Cold Cut.
I would just like to say that it is way too hot today.
They say that eating spicy food is supposed to open your pores and help you sweat it out and blah blah blah but really I just want some Ice Cream. It's too hot to think, it's too hot to write. Hot days like this are all about Cold Cuts, Salads, and Ice Cream.
I'll think of something wittier to write in the next few days, but for right now here's a quick guide to making my favorite cold cut on these sorts of days:
Ingredients:
Shredded Lettuce
Thinly Sliced Tomato
Thinly Sliced Onion
Diced Pepperoncini
Olive Oil
Red Wine Vinegar
Salt
Pepper
Pepperoni
Genoa Salami
Capicola (Spicy Italian Ham)
Provolone Cheese
Italian Bread Loaf
The Process:
1. Slice the Loaf in half lengthwise
2. Pile all the ingredients on the bread in whatever proportion you desire.
3. Devour.
They say that eating spicy food is supposed to open your pores and help you sweat it out and blah blah blah but really I just want some Ice Cream. It's too hot to think, it's too hot to write. Hot days like this are all about Cold Cuts, Salads, and Ice Cream.
I'll think of something wittier to write in the next few days, but for right now here's a quick guide to making my favorite cold cut on these sorts of days:
Ingredients:
Shredded Lettuce
Thinly Sliced Tomato
Thinly Sliced Onion
Diced Pepperoncini
Olive Oil
Red Wine Vinegar
Salt
Pepper
Pepperoni
Genoa Salami
Capicola (Spicy Italian Ham)
Provolone Cheese
Italian Bread Loaf
The Process:
1. Slice the Loaf in half lengthwise
2. Pile all the ingredients on the bread in whatever proportion you desire.
3. Devour.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Thinkin' 'Bout 'Burgers.
So I was thinking about burgers.
Burgers are delicious. One time when I was in Hamburg, I got confused because everywhere I looked there were signs like “Hamburger bank” and “Hamburger school” and I kept getting confused because it’s totally the name of a town and the name of a food. There’s no real point to that story except to play the Eurotrash card. I went to Europe once! Anyway, I may have kind of sort of been offered a job at an upscale burger joint attached to a steakhouse. And I’ve been thinking about burgers. There was a great entry on Not Always Right about how crazy people over burgers. There are over 6.8 million results for “The Best Hamburger” if you bother to google it, and all the related wikipedia articles are … well, exhaustive to say the least. When people think of American Cuisine people think “Hamburger.” blah blah blah blah blah. People eat a lot of them. I think that’s my point. One particular variant is the Patty Melt. I made one the other day. It seemed to go over well.
So anyway, since I might get a job practically flipping burgers, I might as well post the recipe I came up with.
Ingredients:
2 Slices Whole Grain Bread
2 TBSP Butter, Melted
2 TSP Yellow Mustard
2 TSP Ketchup
1 TBSP Diced Onion
0.5 OZ. Sliced Cheddar Cheese
2 Strips Bacon, Cooked.
4 Oz. Hamburger
Salt & Pepper - To Taste.
The Process:
Cook the Bacon in a Skillet.
Remove the Bacon from the Skillet, Set Aside.
Cook the Hamburger in the rendered Bacon Fat.
Butter the Bread using a pastry brush.
Place the Ketchup, Mustard, Onions, Cheese, Bacon, and Hamburger between the 2 slices of Bread. (Butter side facing out)
Toast until the Cheese melts, and the Sandwich turns Golden Brown
Slice, Serve.
Burgers are delicious. One time when I was in Hamburg, I got confused because everywhere I looked there were signs like “Hamburger bank” and “Hamburger school” and I kept getting confused because it’s totally the name of a town and the name of a food. There’s no real point to that story except to play the Eurotrash card. I went to Europe once! Anyway, I may have kind of sort of been offered a job at an upscale burger joint attached to a steakhouse. And I’ve been thinking about burgers. There was a great entry on Not Always Right about how crazy people over burgers. There are over 6.8 million results for “The Best Hamburger” if you bother to google it, and all the related wikipedia articles are … well, exhaustive to say the least. When people think of American Cuisine people think “Hamburger.” blah blah blah blah blah. People eat a lot of them. I think that’s my point. One particular variant is the Patty Melt. I made one the other day. It seemed to go over well.
So anyway, since I might get a job practically flipping burgers, I might as well post the recipe I came up with.
Ingredients:
2 Slices Whole Grain Bread
2 TBSP Butter, Melted
2 TSP Yellow Mustard
2 TSP Ketchup
1 TBSP Diced Onion
0.5 OZ. Sliced Cheddar Cheese
2 Strips Bacon, Cooked.
4 Oz. Hamburger
Salt & Pepper - To Taste.
The Process:
Cook the Bacon in a Skillet.
Remove the Bacon from the Skillet, Set Aside.
Cook the Hamburger in the rendered Bacon Fat.
Butter the Bread using a pastry brush.
Place the Ketchup, Mustard, Onions, Cheese, Bacon, and Hamburger between the 2 slices of Bread. (Butter side facing out)
Toast until the Cheese melts, and the Sandwich turns Golden Brown
Slice, Serve.
Monday, August 30, 2010
THE MEATLOAF EXPERIMENT
I keep telling myself that “I make good food, I need to find someone to make crappy food for me.”
That’s more of a rationalization of the fact that I’m mentally incapable of not trying to zazz things up with whatever ingredients I may have handy. Now, if asked politely I can make pretty decent schnitzel or spaghetti and meatballs, but if left to my own devices I wind up sort of haphazardly tossing ingredients into the mix in the name of experimentation - The next ingredient will fit together and be my next culinary epiphany and make me millions of dollars and win me fan girls across oceans. Today I decided to make Meatloaf. A few weeks ago I decided to make German Meatballs, so I thought I would adapt elements of that recipe to make the meatloaf. It didn’t quite work exactly - kinda sorta because I was missing half the initial ingredients - I didn’t have any bell peppers, or bread crumbs, or bacon. All I had was ground pork, ground beef, onion, eggs, and a host of other random ingredients culled from my pantry (All-Bran, Tabasco Sauce, Balsamic Vinegar, and Worcestershire Sauce) All well, in my mind it seemed like enough!
So the initial recipe, which I pulled off the internets is viewable here:
http://www.tasty-german-recipe.com/best-meatball-recipe.html
I’ll post in a couple of days the best way to browse for recipes on the internet, but for right now allow me to continue:
When I initially made these I added some Diced Jalapeno, it came out rather well.
So, today I was looking for something to dinner and I realized I had some ground meat, so I thought “Hey, Meatloaf!”
So what I wound up making based off of what was in-house was this:
IMPROVISED MEATLOAF:
Ingredients:
8 oz. Ground Pork
6 oz. Ground Beef
2 TBSP Small Diced Onion
1 TSP Tabasco Sauce
1 TSP Balsamic Vinegar
1 TSP Worcestershire Sauce
1 TBSP Whole Grain Mustard
1 Cup All-Bran
To Taste Salt & Pepper
2 Hard-Boiled Eggs, peeled.
The Process:
1) Grind the All Bran into crumbs.
2) Mix all the ingredients (except the Eggs) together until well combined.
3) Wrap the Meat Mixture around the Eggs. Do this by laying the Meat out flat on a clean surface, placing the eggs in the middle, and folding the remainder of the meat out over the eggs.
4) Bake the Meatloaf at 350 degrees for about half an hour, reduce to 200 degrees for another 15 minutes and to hold.
How this actually came out, however, was a bit different. First off, I decided to eye-ball the measurements I came up with for myself. (not a good suggestion if you’re ever planning to remember how exactly you made something, just… for the record) secondly, I didn’t bother to include any raw egg in the mixture - which meant the meatloaf didn’t exactly bind as well as it could have (although the Mustard was meant to help that a bit, it didn’t work quite as well as I was hoping)
So, I wound up pouring a bit too much vinegar into the meatloaf, and wound up topping that with mustard. Now, since I used Balsamic Vinegar it made the meatloaf a bit too sweet. I thought the hot sauce would counter this and make a nice balsamic-pepper blend. I completely forgot that I kind of sort of hate balsamic vinegar with a fiery passion, but It was what I had so I thought to myself I thought “Well, fuck it, I’ll try it.” So, basically, I wound up with sweet and sour meatballs. Which I then gave to my girlfriend who’s not a particularly big fan of vinegar… so yeah, about that: she wasn’t a particular fan. I don’t think she’s actually spit out anything I’ve made before… I’ll let you figure out what she did this time, though.
Myself, I thought they did have a bit too much Balsamic Vinegar in it - and I’m not really a fan, but I did wind up eating it, because, well, I have no one else to blame but myself. Besides, It’s not like the time I put whole capers in an otherwise fruity couscous. (That I actually wound up having to throw away after 3 bites)
So, that’s what I did today. I wound up making Julie crepes to make up for me going a bit haywire on the experimental side.
Anyway, now I’m watching T.V.
That’s more of a rationalization of the fact that I’m mentally incapable of not trying to zazz things up with whatever ingredients I may have handy. Now, if asked politely I can make pretty decent schnitzel or spaghetti and meatballs, but if left to my own devices I wind up sort of haphazardly tossing ingredients into the mix in the name of experimentation - The next ingredient will fit together and be my next culinary epiphany and make me millions of dollars and win me fan girls across oceans. Today I decided to make Meatloaf. A few weeks ago I decided to make German Meatballs, so I thought I would adapt elements of that recipe to make the meatloaf. It didn’t quite work exactly - kinda sorta because I was missing half the initial ingredients - I didn’t have any bell peppers, or bread crumbs, or bacon. All I had was ground pork, ground beef, onion, eggs, and a host of other random ingredients culled from my pantry (All-Bran, Tabasco Sauce, Balsamic Vinegar, and Worcestershire Sauce) All well, in my mind it seemed like enough!
So the initial recipe, which I pulled off the internets is viewable here:
http://www.tasty-german-recipe.com/best-meatball-recipe.html
I’ll post in a couple of days the best way to browse for recipes on the internet, but for right now allow me to continue:
When I initially made these I added some Diced Jalapeno, it came out rather well.
So, today I was looking for something to dinner and I realized I had some ground meat, so I thought “Hey, Meatloaf!”
So what I wound up making based off of what was in-house was this:
IMPROVISED MEATLOAF:
Ingredients:
8 oz. Ground Pork
6 oz. Ground Beef
2 TBSP Small Diced Onion
1 TSP Tabasco Sauce
1 TSP Balsamic Vinegar
1 TSP Worcestershire Sauce
1 TBSP Whole Grain Mustard
1 Cup All-Bran
To Taste Salt & Pepper
2 Hard-Boiled Eggs, peeled.
The Process:
1) Grind the All Bran into crumbs.
2) Mix all the ingredients (except the Eggs) together until well combined.
3) Wrap the Meat Mixture around the Eggs. Do this by laying the Meat out flat on a clean surface, placing the eggs in the middle, and folding the remainder of the meat out over the eggs.
4) Bake the Meatloaf at 350 degrees for about half an hour, reduce to 200 degrees for another 15 minutes and to hold.
How this actually came out, however, was a bit different. First off, I decided to eye-ball the measurements I came up with for myself. (not a good suggestion if you’re ever planning to remember how exactly you made something, just… for the record) secondly, I didn’t bother to include any raw egg in the mixture - which meant the meatloaf didn’t exactly bind as well as it could have (although the Mustard was meant to help that a bit, it didn’t work quite as well as I was hoping)
So, I wound up pouring a bit too much vinegar into the meatloaf, and wound up topping that with mustard. Now, since I used Balsamic Vinegar it made the meatloaf a bit too sweet. I thought the hot sauce would counter this and make a nice balsamic-pepper blend. I completely forgot that I kind of sort of hate balsamic vinegar with a fiery passion, but It was what I had so I thought to myself I thought “Well, fuck it, I’ll try it.” So, basically, I wound up with sweet and sour meatballs. Which I then gave to my girlfriend who’s not a particularly big fan of vinegar… so yeah, about that: she wasn’t a particular fan. I don’t think she’s actually spit out anything I’ve made before… I’ll let you figure out what she did this time, though.
Myself, I thought they did have a bit too much Balsamic Vinegar in it - and I’m not really a fan, but I did wind up eating it, because, well, I have no one else to blame but myself. Besides, It’s not like the time I put whole capers in an otherwise fruity couscous. (That I actually wound up having to throw away after 3 bites)
So, that’s what I did today. I wound up making Julie crepes to make up for me going a bit haywire on the experimental side.
Anyway, now I’m watching T.V.
Whatever You're Good at, There's About a Million People Better.
So, I watch Iron Chef America. It's a fun enough show. Anyway, the most recent show featured the first vegetarian restaurant in the show's history - Dirt Candy. The chef/owner - Amanda Cohen - has a blog associated with the restaurant. It's rather fantastic. take a look: http://www.dirtcandynyc.com/
Sunday, August 29, 2010
It's Peanut Butter Crepe Time!
Making crepes is hard. Or at least I always thought it would be, they’re so flimsy and you need to flip them right and everyone always tells you its hard. They’re full of crap. Crepes are easy, use a nonstick skillet, a little bit of spray if you’re extra concerned about the batter sticking, and have at. I like making crepes - it’s something super easy that you can make out of some of the most readily available ingredients in the kitchen.
I wish I could tell a better story, but I can’t really think of one right now.
Anyhoo, I promised myself I would post one Vegan recipe a week. So here it is!
VEGAN PEANUT BUTTER CREPES
2.5 oz. (2 shot glasses worth) Creamy Peanut Butter
1 Cup Flour
1 Cup Unsweetened Almond (or Soy) Milk
2 TBSP Raw Cane Sugar
Vegetable Spray
1. Whisk together the Peanut Butter, Flour, Almond Milk, and Cane Sugar until smooth.
2. Heat up a non-stick skillet over a medium-high heat.
3. Lightly coat the skillet with the vegetable spray.
4. Pick the skillet up,
5. While the skillet is in your hand - Pour 1/3 cup of the batter into the skillet.
6. Holding the skillet's handle, swirl the pan around to spread the batter out evenly around the skillet.
7. Return to heat.
8. Cook for 1-2 minutes.
9. Once you can shake the pan (horizontally) and the crepe moves freely within the pan, use a plastic spatula to flip the crepe.
10. Cook for 30 more seconds.
11. Remove to plate.
12. Repeat until you’ve finished all the batter.
13. Garnish with fresh fruit, syrup, and/or mint.
I wish I could tell a better story, but I can’t really think of one right now.
Anyhoo, I promised myself I would post one Vegan recipe a week. So here it is!
VEGAN PEANUT BUTTER CREPES
2.5 oz. (2 shot glasses worth) Creamy Peanut Butter
1 Cup Flour
1 Cup Unsweetened Almond (or Soy) Milk
2 TBSP Raw Cane Sugar
Vegetable Spray
1. Whisk together the Peanut Butter, Flour, Almond Milk, and Cane Sugar until smooth.
2. Heat up a non-stick skillet over a medium-high heat.
3. Lightly coat the skillet with the vegetable spray.
4. Pick the skillet up,
5. While the skillet is in your hand - Pour 1/3 cup of the batter into the skillet.
6. Holding the skillet's handle, swirl the pan around to spread the batter out evenly around the skillet.
7. Return to heat.
8. Cook for 1-2 minutes.
9. Once you can shake the pan (horizontally) and the crepe moves freely within the pan, use a plastic spatula to flip the crepe.
10. Cook for 30 more seconds.
11. Remove to plate.
12. Repeat until you’ve finished all the batter.
13. Garnish with fresh fruit, syrup, and/or mint.
Graziella’s Italian Restaurant Review
I’ve made it a point to try delivery places here and there - mostly because there’s a fair amount of time where I’m just too lazy or for some other reason just can’t be bothered to head out the door on a given day. Today was one of those days.
Graziella’s Italian Restaurant was the beneficiary of my lethargy today. At some point while watching T.V. Julie and I decided pasta would make for an awesome dinner. I concurred, so we headed on over to our local internetery and we decided to browse through Grub Hub to find a place that would accept online orders. The top result was Graziellas, which Julie had tried before and wasn’t all that impressed with - but since I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT FOOD EVER - I wound up, after a brief search for alternative locations, deciding “eh, we can go to Graziellas, it can’t be too bad.” So I ordered.
They told me it would take an hour. It took 25 minutes. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing - in retrospect, but at the moment I was like “well, this place can’t be all bad” when the food arrived. So we set up the table and got down to consuming our food. We opened the free bread first - I was half expecting cheap old garlic bread (I haven’t seen the place but I assumed it was a dinky hole in the wall place) we wound up; however, finding ourselves with Ciabatta bread. It was still warm, crisp crust and chewy, but not really the best Ciabatta I’ve had. Time to investigate further. I opened the Minestrone. Thick cut vegetables mixed with smaller rough cuts - Not really the best thing, some of the potatoes were underdone, but it had a decent flavor and I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt still. (Because, as anyone who knows me can attest - I’m the nicest guy ever and also pretty awesome at being modest)
We then cracked into the main course. Sausage and Broccoli Rabe Orecchiette in a Tomato Sauce and Shrimp Scampi over Spaghetti. Shrimp scampi is an absurdly easy thing to make - garlic, butter, white wine, lemon, and parsley. Somehow, Graziella’s managed to make it overly sweet and under-sauced at the same time. Adding to the problem with the Scampi, the shrimp was overcooked - now I can probably only blame myself for that (who honestly expects delivery shrimp to be tender and cooked perfectly after hitching a ride on a bike for ten minutes - me, that’s who!) So, I was disappointed. The Orecchiette was better, except the pasta was a bit soggy. The flavor profile was decent - it’s hard to mess up sausage and tomato - but it wasn’t exactly life altering. It wasn’t great, but I mean I didn’t mind sitting there and eating it - it’s pasta, damnit! Still, I wouldn’t exactly recommend anyone actually go there.
So there. That’s my review of Graziella’s Italian Restaurant.
Graziella’s Italian Restaurant was the beneficiary of my lethargy today. At some point while watching T.V. Julie and I decided pasta would make for an awesome dinner. I concurred, so we headed on over to our local internetery and we decided to browse through Grub Hub to find a place that would accept online orders. The top result was Graziellas, which Julie had tried before and wasn’t all that impressed with - but since I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT FOOD EVER - I wound up, after a brief search for alternative locations, deciding “eh, we can go to Graziellas, it can’t be too bad.” So I ordered.
They told me it would take an hour. It took 25 minutes. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing - in retrospect, but at the moment I was like “well, this place can’t be all bad” when the food arrived. So we set up the table and got down to consuming our food. We opened the free bread first - I was half expecting cheap old garlic bread (I haven’t seen the place but I assumed it was a dinky hole in the wall place) we wound up; however, finding ourselves with Ciabatta bread. It was still warm, crisp crust and chewy, but not really the best Ciabatta I’ve had. Time to investigate further. I opened the Minestrone. Thick cut vegetables mixed with smaller rough cuts - Not really the best thing, some of the potatoes were underdone, but it had a decent flavor and I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt still. (Because, as anyone who knows me can attest - I’m the nicest guy ever and also pretty awesome at being modest)
We then cracked into the main course. Sausage and Broccoli Rabe Orecchiette in a Tomato Sauce and Shrimp Scampi over Spaghetti. Shrimp scampi is an absurdly easy thing to make - garlic, butter, white wine, lemon, and parsley. Somehow, Graziella’s managed to make it overly sweet and under-sauced at the same time. Adding to the problem with the Scampi, the shrimp was overcooked - now I can probably only blame myself for that (who honestly expects delivery shrimp to be tender and cooked perfectly after hitching a ride on a bike for ten minutes - me, that’s who!) So, I was disappointed. The Orecchiette was better, except the pasta was a bit soggy. The flavor profile was decent - it’s hard to mess up sausage and tomato - but it wasn’t exactly life altering. It wasn’t great, but I mean I didn’t mind sitting there and eating it - it’s pasta, damnit! Still, I wouldn’t exactly recommend anyone actually go there.
So there. That’s my review of Graziella’s Italian Restaurant.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Custard Custard Custard Custard!
I keep clicking on “next blog” as if I hope to find some magical treasure trove of undiscovered talent who just happens to be one random click away from discovery.
It would be awesome to get in on the ground floor of something for once - as opposed to constantly checking in about 5 years after peak popularity. As it stands, naturally, I haven’t. Everyone who uses blogger seems to be glibly recounting the exploits of their precious children and their adorable little faces you just want to squeeze until you just… can’t pretend to give a shit about your damn little wiener kids anymore. I know my 5 or so readers (19 on Facebook the last time I looked!) aren’t really a validation of my writing skills, and certainly no reason for me to brag about what I write here, but quite honestly there’s a certain amount of cases where something you happen to think is just so fantastic really isn’t. I can’t hate too much, I suppose some part of me thinks “write about what you want to write about, who am I to judge?” but an other part of me is an avid fan of STFU Parents (http://stfuparents.tumblr.com/) your blog is like sitting through someone else’s vacation slides. Except worse, because you’re using bandwidth that could be used for something like hardcore pornography - you know, something that’s of actual value to society.
My point is, I hate overzealous parents and I especially hate their kids.
Bakers are kind of the same way.
Not in the hating-children part, I like to think that part of my personality developed after a combination of years watching of George Carlin routines and having had to clean up after 150 screaming brats watching the latest mass-market CGI talking gerbil crap fest mass market movies those shrieking little bastards love.
What I mean is, bakers are a little overzealous when it comes to their product. They’re scientists, artisans, craftsmen. They measure everything meticulously, plan their next recipe days, weeks, or months ahead. They try and retry, and practice techniques until they have something perfect. I know, I’ve been a baker. But more importantly, I’ve worked under bakers. One particular baker who I did not particularly like working with (and who, quite luckily, did not happen to understand any of the German I was prone to responding in) was particularly proud of a Crème Brulee Tart special that consisted of a pastry crust, a layer of chocolate, custard, and finally caramelized sugar on top. As a low rung on the totem pole at this particular establishment I was expected to plate these particular dishes. Now, I had at this point worked previously at a restaurant where Crème Brulee was the top selling dish, and we got to use FIRE to get those bad boys out of the kitchen - literally we used a full sized butane torch. Here, on the other hand, we had to use what Alton Brown called “Glorified Cigarette Lighters” (If a Food Network host has to say that about a kitchen gadget - you know it has to be crap) which meant this product took longer to prepare and inevitably backed up the line. (Then again, maybe I was just terrible at it) So we had this tart which took an inordinate amount of time to put together, which the pastry chef had sweated over and spent weeks perfecting. Thing is, anyone who tried it didn’t particularly care for it. It was decent - but not up to the caliber that most people expected from the restaurant, and it certainly wasn’t what people who wanted Crème Brulee really wanted - they wanted a thick custard with a caramel top. The chocolate and the pastry crust just sort of got in the way. In the end the dessert just sort of petered out, but not before the pastry chef took the opportunity to show the pantry cooks exactly how to make it perfect - and not before said pastry chef took every opportunity to hop in and cradle their baby. I dunno, maybe I’m just griping because I really wanted to use a big boy torch again, but then again - I can’t shake the nagging feeling that if this particular pastry chef could’ve then we all would’ve read a long self indulgent rant on Facebook about how this pastry had changed their life.
Crème Brulee, though, is a fantastic dish. The classic preparation is one of my favorites. For a while it was my default “Panty Melter” dessert. (If it had only ever functioned as intended, however it not performing as such is more a result of my functional social ineptitude) so I thought I’d share my recipe for Crème Brulee - the custard base for which serves as an excellent binder for other foods like Bread Pudding.
THE INGREDIENTS:
1 QT (32 OZ) Heavy Cream
12 Egg Yolks
1 LB (16 OZ) Sugar
1 Vanilla Bean.
½ CUP White Sugar (for caramel topping)
THE PROCESS:
Phase I:
1) Whisk together the Egg Yolks and ½ of the Sugar until smooth in a mixing bowl.
2) Split the Vanilla Bean lengthwise using a paring knife, scrape out the inside.
3) Heat the Cream, the Vanilla Bean (the pod and the scrapings) and the remainder of the Sugar in a sauce pot over a low heat.
4) Using a towel, secure the mixing bowl with the egg mixture on a flat surface (so that when you whisk it the bowl will not tip)
5) Once the Cream Mixture has started to boil, remove it from the heat.
6) Slowly pour the Cream Mixture into the Egg Mixture, whisking constantly.
This is why it’s important to make sure the bowl is secure - unless you have a third hand there’s no way to hold everything in place and you will spill hot creamy goodness all over yourself (giggity)
7) Store the mixture in a container overnight - be sure to cover it with plastic wrap
The plastic wrap should touch the mixture, to help prevent a skin from developing; the skin is difficult to reincorporate into the mixture, and can affect your final product.
Phase II:
8) arrange several ramekins or other small ceramic dishes in a 9x13 cake pan or hotel pan.
9) pour enough water into the cake pan to cover the bottom of the pan up to ½ the height of the ramekins.
Don’t go any higher - otherwise it’ll be a colossal pain in the ass to move these guys into the oven.
10) pour the cream & egg mixture (custard) into the ramekins - to about 2/3 full.
11) cover the entire pan with aluminum foil, leaving about 2 inches in one of the corners uncovered.
12) bake at 200 degrees for 1-2 hours.
Be extra careful moving the custard into the oven - it won’t come out right if you get any water into the ramekins.
13) Remove, chill overnight.
Phase III:
14) Take the Chilled custard, sprinkle an even layer of white sugar
15) Utilizing a butane torch, or your oven’s broiler setting heat the top of the custard until the sugar just caramelizes (turns brown-golden-brown).
16) Allow to sit for 1 minute - so the caramel solidifies.
17) Serve with Whipped Cream, Mint, or Fresh Fruit as you so desire.
It would be awesome to get in on the ground floor of something for once - as opposed to constantly checking in about 5 years after peak popularity. As it stands, naturally, I haven’t. Everyone who uses blogger seems to be glibly recounting the exploits of their precious children and their adorable little faces you just want to squeeze until you just… can’t pretend to give a shit about your damn little wiener kids anymore. I know my 5 or so readers (19 on Facebook the last time I looked!) aren’t really a validation of my writing skills, and certainly no reason for me to brag about what I write here, but quite honestly there’s a certain amount of cases where something you happen to think is just so fantastic really isn’t. I can’t hate too much, I suppose some part of me thinks “write about what you want to write about, who am I to judge?” but an other part of me is an avid fan of STFU Parents (http://stfuparents.tumblr.com/) your blog is like sitting through someone else’s vacation slides. Except worse, because you’re using bandwidth that could be used for something like hardcore pornography - you know, something that’s of actual value to society.
My point is, I hate overzealous parents and I especially hate their kids.
Bakers are kind of the same way.
Not in the hating-children part, I like to think that part of my personality developed after a combination of years watching of George Carlin routines and having had to clean up after 150 screaming brats watching the latest mass-market CGI talking gerbil crap fest mass market movies those shrieking little bastards love.
What I mean is, bakers are a little overzealous when it comes to their product. They’re scientists, artisans, craftsmen. They measure everything meticulously, plan their next recipe days, weeks, or months ahead. They try and retry, and practice techniques until they have something perfect. I know, I’ve been a baker. But more importantly, I’ve worked under bakers. One particular baker who I did not particularly like working with (and who, quite luckily, did not happen to understand any of the German I was prone to responding in) was particularly proud of a Crème Brulee Tart special that consisted of a pastry crust, a layer of chocolate, custard, and finally caramelized sugar on top. As a low rung on the totem pole at this particular establishment I was expected to plate these particular dishes. Now, I had at this point worked previously at a restaurant where Crème Brulee was the top selling dish, and we got to use FIRE to get those bad boys out of the kitchen - literally we used a full sized butane torch. Here, on the other hand, we had to use what Alton Brown called “Glorified Cigarette Lighters” (If a Food Network host has to say that about a kitchen gadget - you know it has to be crap) which meant this product took longer to prepare and inevitably backed up the line. (Then again, maybe I was just terrible at it) So we had this tart which took an inordinate amount of time to put together, which the pastry chef had sweated over and spent weeks perfecting. Thing is, anyone who tried it didn’t particularly care for it. It was decent - but not up to the caliber that most people expected from the restaurant, and it certainly wasn’t what people who wanted Crème Brulee really wanted - they wanted a thick custard with a caramel top. The chocolate and the pastry crust just sort of got in the way. In the end the dessert just sort of petered out, but not before the pastry chef took the opportunity to show the pantry cooks exactly how to make it perfect - and not before said pastry chef took every opportunity to hop in and cradle their baby. I dunno, maybe I’m just griping because I really wanted to use a big boy torch again, but then again - I can’t shake the nagging feeling that if this particular pastry chef could’ve then we all would’ve read a long self indulgent rant on Facebook about how this pastry had changed their life.
Crème Brulee, though, is a fantastic dish. The classic preparation is one of my favorites. For a while it was my default “Panty Melter” dessert. (If it had only ever functioned as intended, however it not performing as such is more a result of my functional social ineptitude) so I thought I’d share my recipe for Crème Brulee - the custard base for which serves as an excellent binder for other foods like Bread Pudding.
THE INGREDIENTS:
1 QT (32 OZ) Heavy Cream
12 Egg Yolks
1 LB (16 OZ) Sugar
1 Vanilla Bean.
½ CUP White Sugar (for caramel topping)
THE PROCESS:
Phase I:
1) Whisk together the Egg Yolks and ½ of the Sugar until smooth in a mixing bowl.
2) Split the Vanilla Bean lengthwise using a paring knife, scrape out the inside.
3) Heat the Cream, the Vanilla Bean (the pod and the scrapings) and the remainder of the Sugar in a sauce pot over a low heat.
4) Using a towel, secure the mixing bowl with the egg mixture on a flat surface (so that when you whisk it the bowl will not tip)
5) Once the Cream Mixture has started to boil, remove it from the heat.
6) Slowly pour the Cream Mixture into the Egg Mixture, whisking constantly.
This is why it’s important to make sure the bowl is secure - unless you have a third hand there’s no way to hold everything in place and you will spill hot creamy goodness all over yourself (giggity)
7) Store the mixture in a container overnight - be sure to cover it with plastic wrap
The plastic wrap should touch the mixture, to help prevent a skin from developing; the skin is difficult to reincorporate into the mixture, and can affect your final product.
Phase II:
8) arrange several ramekins or other small ceramic dishes in a 9x13 cake pan or hotel pan.
9) pour enough water into the cake pan to cover the bottom of the pan up to ½ the height of the ramekins.
Don’t go any higher - otherwise it’ll be a colossal pain in the ass to move these guys into the oven.
10) pour the cream & egg mixture (custard) into the ramekins - to about 2/3 full.
11) cover the entire pan with aluminum foil, leaving about 2 inches in one of the corners uncovered.
12) bake at 200 degrees for 1-2 hours.
Be extra careful moving the custard into the oven - it won’t come out right if you get any water into the ramekins.
13) Remove, chill overnight.
Phase III:
14) Take the Chilled custard, sprinkle an even layer of white sugar
15) Utilizing a butane torch, or your oven’s broiler setting heat the top of the custard until the sugar just caramelizes (turns brown-golden-brown).
16) Allow to sit for 1 minute - so the caramel solidifies.
17) Serve with Whipped Cream, Mint, or Fresh Fruit as you so desire.
Friday, August 27, 2010
The Popcorn Story
The first job I ever had was working the concession stand at a movie theater in Columbia, Maryland.
The town itself has a nickname: “The Colum-bubble” earned its nickname for being a place completely off on its own little world separated from the two nearest major cities (Washington, D.C. and Baltimore, MD) where the ethics of suburban lifestyle held sway. The education system managed to be “one of the best in the country” while still managing to teach students surprisingly little about the real world ( Only one teacher I ever had actually brought up the concept of “critical thinking”). The most celebrated people were those parents who managed to crap out the most kids and simultaneously enroll those children in as many after school activities as possible. The 1 bedroom condos that cost $100,000 (in the Maryland suburbs, mind you) were considered the “poor” or the “rough” part of town. Fast food and chain restaurants abound - all to ease the burden on the overwrought self important housewife. Woe be upon the lowly movie theater conscript who gets in the way of the mother hen and her gaggle of pre-pubescent entitlement machines.
I mention this because one of the first experiences I had where I was actually responsible for preparing food for people outside of my family to eat was at this movie theater. Since it was a chain movie theater and hence had a) little food to prepare and b) strict guidelines as to how to prepare said food it became a bit of a game to see how far we could stretch the guidelines to make what our 16 year old palettes defined as “better” food.
The movie theater had pizza, and pretzels, and hot dogs - but these all had pretty standard cooking instructions that came along with them. The pizzas were a bit of a problem - they came in pre-frozen and the oven never quite worked right so we had to constantly adjust how we were making them. Plus they took five minutes to cook - an eternity to wait in a busy movie theater right before your show was about to start, so naturally there were always complaints along with the orders for them. They were a terrible product to serve to movie theater patrons, but they made decent food for us on our breaks.
The pizzas went away, though. (Although the corporate overlords eventually brought them back long after I quit) The big important item at a movie theater concession stand is and has pretty much always been popcorn. This is what my fellow employees and I liked to play with the most. There was a giant machine with an automatic agitator that would stir the popcorn as it cooked. Basically we were supposed to dump a load of popcorn in, put in a pre-measured scoop of salt, and click the oil button once to set the machine going. Because this is no fun, we pretty quickly decided to say “fuck it” and make the popcorn in the means which best suit our fancy at any given moment. 3 shots of oil? Fuck it you go to the movies to eat fatty food anyway. An extra measuring cup of salt? Why not - see the prior reason... Except replace fatty with salty. (duh) We became craftsmen in search of the perfect method of mass producing popcorn. Some times things held better in a warmer, sometimes our experiments failed so terribly we had to pop a regular batch and mix in it with the over-salted over-oiled batch to keep from getting yelled at by our supervisors. (Luckily they were most often too interested in the upper echelon’s version of “who’s screwing who” to care that much… or there was the guy who always ran to the office to play StarCraft. I kind of respect him more.) But either way this whole process engendered in me a desire to work to improve the products I’ve worked on. I like to think its because I take pride in what I’m producing, but some people might describe it as a degree of artistic flare (Oh no! Food + Art = never being hired by Anthony Bourdain according to “Kitchen Confidential”)
So I went to culinary school. Partially because of that, but also partially because this I thought this girl I wanted to nail in high school was going to go to one.
So then I got a job working at the previously mentioned “most ridiculously named hotel ever.” We made popcorn. I think I mentioned this. If I didn’t, whatever. Piss off. We didn’t have a giant machine or pre-measured standards or what-have-you, but I did get to play around with the recipes quite a bit more. This was fun. Of course I had to learn a new method of cooking popcorn. Instead of relying on the agitator, I had to do it myself. This is actually a pretty simple process - put a lid on the big pot and hold the handle and the lid down (using towels or sufficiently thick oven mitts) and then shake the pot around as you cook. Listen for the same clues you would for microwave popcorn, then take it off the heat. Pretty simple.
So anyway, I’m not sure where I’m going with that particular story except to say that Popcorn is probably one of my favorite go-to treats, and I’ll pretty much take any chance to gussy it up a little bit for no other reason then “because I can.” My dog appreciates this. She likes popcorn. Her name is Maralynn.
So, I’ve mentioned Bacon popcorn before, but to be honest I’m kind of tired of talking about bacon. So here’s an other recipe.
CHILI POPCORN:
The Ingredients:
2 TBSP Olive Oil
1 TBSP Chili Oil
1 TSP Picante Sauce
2 TSP Kosher Salt
½ CUP Unpopped Popcorn Kernels
The Process:
1) Grab a sauce pot with a lid.
2) Place the pot on a medium-high burner.
3) Add the oil to the pot.
4) add the kosher salt and picante sauce.
5) add the popcorn, stir quickly to coat.
6) place the lid on the pot.
7) while holding the lid on tight, shake the pot to move the kernels around.
8) When the popping has peaked, then reduced to 1-2 pops per second, remove the pot from the heat.
9) wait several seconds for the popping to stop.
10) top with whatever toppings you desire (Salt, Butter, Your Mom)
11) Pour in a bowl and serve.
The town itself has a nickname: “The Colum-bubble” earned its nickname for being a place completely off on its own little world separated from the two nearest major cities (Washington, D.C. and Baltimore, MD) where the ethics of suburban lifestyle held sway. The education system managed to be “one of the best in the country” while still managing to teach students surprisingly little about the real world ( Only one teacher I ever had actually brought up the concept of “critical thinking”). The most celebrated people were those parents who managed to crap out the most kids and simultaneously enroll those children in as many after school activities as possible. The 1 bedroom condos that cost $100,000 (in the Maryland suburbs, mind you) were considered the “poor” or the “rough” part of town. Fast food and chain restaurants abound - all to ease the burden on the overwrought self important housewife. Woe be upon the lowly movie theater conscript who gets in the way of the mother hen and her gaggle of pre-pubescent entitlement machines.
I mention this because one of the first experiences I had where I was actually responsible for preparing food for people outside of my family to eat was at this movie theater. Since it was a chain movie theater and hence had a) little food to prepare and b) strict guidelines as to how to prepare said food it became a bit of a game to see how far we could stretch the guidelines to make what our 16 year old palettes defined as “better” food.
The movie theater had pizza, and pretzels, and hot dogs - but these all had pretty standard cooking instructions that came along with them. The pizzas were a bit of a problem - they came in pre-frozen and the oven never quite worked right so we had to constantly adjust how we were making them. Plus they took five minutes to cook - an eternity to wait in a busy movie theater right before your show was about to start, so naturally there were always complaints along with the orders for them. They were a terrible product to serve to movie theater patrons, but they made decent food for us on our breaks.
The pizzas went away, though. (Although the corporate overlords eventually brought them back long after I quit) The big important item at a movie theater concession stand is and has pretty much always been popcorn. This is what my fellow employees and I liked to play with the most. There was a giant machine with an automatic agitator that would stir the popcorn as it cooked. Basically we were supposed to dump a load of popcorn in, put in a pre-measured scoop of salt, and click the oil button once to set the machine going. Because this is no fun, we pretty quickly decided to say “fuck it” and make the popcorn in the means which best suit our fancy at any given moment. 3 shots of oil? Fuck it you go to the movies to eat fatty food anyway. An extra measuring cup of salt? Why not - see the prior reason... Except replace fatty with salty. (duh) We became craftsmen in search of the perfect method of mass producing popcorn. Some times things held better in a warmer, sometimes our experiments failed so terribly we had to pop a regular batch and mix in it with the over-salted over-oiled batch to keep from getting yelled at by our supervisors. (Luckily they were most often too interested in the upper echelon’s version of “who’s screwing who” to care that much… or there was the guy who always ran to the office to play StarCraft. I kind of respect him more.) But either way this whole process engendered in me a desire to work to improve the products I’ve worked on. I like to think its because I take pride in what I’m producing, but some people might describe it as a degree of artistic flare (Oh no! Food + Art = never being hired by Anthony Bourdain according to “Kitchen Confidential”)
So I went to culinary school. Partially because of that, but also partially because this I thought this girl I wanted to nail in high school was going to go to one.
So then I got a job working at the previously mentioned “most ridiculously named hotel ever.” We made popcorn. I think I mentioned this. If I didn’t, whatever. Piss off. We didn’t have a giant machine or pre-measured standards or what-have-you, but I did get to play around with the recipes quite a bit more. This was fun. Of course I had to learn a new method of cooking popcorn. Instead of relying on the agitator, I had to do it myself. This is actually a pretty simple process - put a lid on the big pot and hold the handle and the lid down (using towels or sufficiently thick oven mitts) and then shake the pot around as you cook. Listen for the same clues you would for microwave popcorn, then take it off the heat. Pretty simple.
So anyway, I’m not sure where I’m going with that particular story except to say that Popcorn is probably one of my favorite go-to treats, and I’ll pretty much take any chance to gussy it up a little bit for no other reason then “because I can.” My dog appreciates this. She likes popcorn. Her name is Maralynn.
(I’ve found the easiest way to the Internet’s heart is to put up pictures of adorable animals)
So, I’ve mentioned Bacon popcorn before, but to be honest I’m kind of tired of talking about bacon. So here’s an other recipe.
CHILI POPCORN:
The Ingredients:
2 TBSP Olive Oil
1 TBSP Chili Oil
1 TSP Picante Sauce
2 TSP Kosher Salt
½ CUP Unpopped Popcorn Kernels
The Process:
1) Grab a sauce pot with a lid.
2) Place the pot on a medium-high burner.
3) Add the oil to the pot.
4) add the kosher salt and picante sauce.
5) add the popcorn, stir quickly to coat.
6) place the lid on the pot.
7) while holding the lid on tight, shake the pot to move the kernels around.
8) When the popping has peaked, then reduced to 1-2 pops per second, remove the pot from the heat.
9) wait several seconds for the popping to stop.
10) top with whatever toppings you desire (Salt, Butter, Your Mom)
11) Pour in a bowl and serve.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Something About Cheese and Peppers.
Hey, you ever notice how in Star Trek and all those sorts of sci-fi shows that each planet has its own corresponding beverage, and it only has one? As if there were one specific brand of Lager or Ale unique to Earth? Have you ever stop to think about that?
Well, anyway, here’s a recipe for Chili Rellenos
6 Large Poblano Peppers
1 Cup Shredded Cheddar Cheese
1 Cup Shredded Queso Blanco
½ Cup Small Diced Onions
3 Eggs
1 Cup All Purpose Flour
¼ Cup Milk
Salt and Pepper to taste.
¼ Cup Olive Oil
1 Cup Vegetable Oil.
1. Slice into the side of the peppers near the top and use a spoon to remove all the seeds.
2. Toss the peppers in the olive oil.
3. Slow roast the peppers for 1 hour at 200 degrees.
4. Remove the peppers from the oven, cool.
5. Stuff the peppers with the diced onion and the cheese.
5. Whisk/blend ¼ cup flour, the eggs, milk, salt and pepper into a smooth batter.
6. Dip the peppers in the batter.
7. Set the flour in a large, flat dish. Place the peppers on top of the flour.
8. Top the peppers with the flour, pat with your hand.
9. Pick up the peppers.
10. Roll the peppers back through the batter.
12. Fry the peppers in the vegetable oil for about 5 minutes.
13. Serve with whatever you want. Salsa and rice was my choice.
Well, anyway, here’s a recipe for Chili Rellenos
6 Large Poblano Peppers
1 Cup Shredded Cheddar Cheese
1 Cup Shredded Queso Blanco
½ Cup Small Diced Onions
3 Eggs
1 Cup All Purpose Flour
¼ Cup Milk
Salt and Pepper to taste.
¼ Cup Olive Oil
1 Cup Vegetable Oil.
1. Slice into the side of the peppers near the top and use a spoon to remove all the seeds.
2. Toss the peppers in the olive oil.
3. Slow roast the peppers for 1 hour at 200 degrees.
4. Remove the peppers from the oven, cool.
5. Stuff the peppers with the diced onion and the cheese.
5. Whisk/blend ¼ cup flour, the eggs, milk, salt and pepper into a smooth batter.
6. Dip the peppers in the batter.
7. Set the flour in a large, flat dish. Place the peppers on top of the flour.
8. Top the peppers with the flour, pat with your hand.
9. Pick up the peppers.
10. Roll the peppers back through the batter.
12. Fry the peppers in the vegetable oil for about 5 minutes.
13. Serve with whatever you want. Salsa and rice was my choice.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
THE BACON CONUNDRUM: PART III
I like regular-ass Bacon. As much as I like Rashers, Speck, Pancetta, and all that jazz - nothing beats a couple (dozen) slices of salted smoked pork belly for breakfast. It’s who I am. Pancetta is a Ferrari, sure, but I really just want to get my hands on a Dodge Charger. For the longest time I didn’t know how restaurants got their bacon flat and crisp like they did. Whenever I would cook it at home it would crinkle up into odd little shapes, and I would overcook it on one side and leave it practically raw on the other. Before I went to culinary school I basically failed at bacon. Of course now I realize it’s a pretty simple process to make restaurant quality bacon just lay it out on a sheet pan lined with parchment paper and bake it at 300 degrees for 10-15 minutes (depending on thickness.) This method is great for reserving the bacon grease and for cooking your bacon uniformly - but lately I’ve gone back to pan-frying bacon. It just saves time when I’m adding it to something else. Bacon is the product that started it all, but that doesn’t mean people don’t abuse the gift from that “wonderful, magical animal” that provides us with pork chops, ham, and bacon.
Available at Think Geek: http://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/wacky-edibles/c399/
I don’t really need to go over all the things that are awful about this concept - so allow me to point out one giant flaw in this marketing premise: BACON IS ALREADY DESIGNED TO LAST A LONG TIME. SALTING AND SMOKING IS HOW THEY PRESERVED MEAT BEFORE REFRIGERATION.
If you want a more detailed description of just how awful this particular branch of the bacon tree is - check out this old AV Club review: http://www.avclub.com/
The big daddy of the Bacon Donut is Voodoo Donuts: http://www.voodoodoughnut.com/
Have you ever eaten Chicken and Waffles? This is the same concept. Sugar, Carbs, Fat, Salt, and Meat. It’s everything delicious ever. I really don’t have to say much more. It’s using Bacon the way it’s meant to be used.
I promise the next one of these will be the last...
THE BAD:
CANNED TACTICAL BACON.
(IMG SRC = THINK GEEK)
Available at Think Geek: http://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/wacky-edibles/c399/
I don’t really need to go over all the things that are awful about this concept - so allow me to point out one giant flaw in this marketing premise: BACON IS ALREADY DESIGNED TO LAST A LONG TIME. SALTING AND SMOKING IS HOW THEY PRESERVED MEAT BEFORE REFRIGERATION.
If you want a more detailed description of just how awful this particular branch of the bacon tree is - check out this old AV Club review: http://www.avclub.com/
THE GOOD:
BACON MAPLE DONUT
(IMG SRC: WIKIPEDIA)
The big daddy of the Bacon Donut is Voodoo Donuts: http://www.voodoodoughnut.com/
Have you ever eaten Chicken and Waffles? This is the same concept. Sugar, Carbs, Fat, Salt, and Meat. It’s everything delicious ever. I really don’t have to say much more. It’s using Bacon the way it’s meant to be used.
I promise the next one of these will be the last...
THE BACON CONUNDRUM: APPENDIX A
[Witty intro #7 not found]
Most of the flavor people recognize in bacon is a combination of fat, salt, and smoke. When I’ve had to impart a vegetarian dish with a bacon flavor I’ve used Chipotle in Adobo. This comes in particularly handy because it adds a bit of spice, a texture that approximates cooked bacon fat, salt, and smoky flavor (Chipotle is smoked Jalapenos) Of course not everyone likes the extra spice, so there are plenty of other things you can use to approximate Bacon without using odd little processed foods.
I - Salt
Load whatever you’re making with salt. It’s really that simple. Kosher salt works pretty well, but really use whatever you’d like - knock yourself out.
II - Fat
Try an Olive Oil/ Truffle Oil blend - you’ll get a healthy fat with a bit of earthy tones reminiscent of bacon fat.
II - Smoke
Smoking indoors can be quite a bother. If you’ve got a range with a fan that vents outdoors or a grill of your own you can do your own ‘hot smoke’ to get you on your way to your own bacon substitute.
Some simple smoking guides are available at websites like allrecipes.com, but doing it yourself is pretty simple. You see it all the time on shows like Iron Chef America.
Basically,
Take a pot with a lid,
Place your woodchips down the bottom,
Put a rack over that,
On the rack place whatever you’d like to smoke, (Eggplant, Carrots, Tofu, Bell Peppers, Poblano Peppers, and New Mexico Chilies all work quite well, or if you‘d like to make your own natural version of liquid smoke try using olive oil or butter placed in a ceramic bowl on the rack.)
Put the pot on a low heat burner
Put the lid on the pot
Keep an eye on the pot, occasionally swirling it around.
Smoke the veggies for about a half an hour to an hour. *
Experiment this so you can get whatever sort of texture you’d like.
* if you do this next to your mom’s set of fancy kitchen drapes you will never get the smell of smoke out.
So, in short: if you’d like your own vegan bacon just coat some veggies in an olive oil/truffle oil blend, sprinkle ‘em with kosher salt, and smoke ‘em.
If you want bacon flavored popcorn, smoke some oil using the process I just described, and use it to cook your popcorn.
Vegan Bacon Mayonnaise? Take a vegan mayo recipe and smoke the oil and add a little extra salt.
Most of the flavor people recognize in bacon is a combination of fat, salt, and smoke. When I’ve had to impart a vegetarian dish with a bacon flavor I’ve used Chipotle in Adobo. This comes in particularly handy because it adds a bit of spice, a texture that approximates cooked bacon fat, salt, and smoky flavor (Chipotle is smoked Jalapenos) Of course not everyone likes the extra spice, so there are plenty of other things you can use to approximate Bacon without using odd little processed foods.
I - Salt
Load whatever you’re making with salt. It’s really that simple. Kosher salt works pretty well, but really use whatever you’d like - knock yourself out.
II - Fat
Try an Olive Oil/ Truffle Oil blend - you’ll get a healthy fat with a bit of earthy tones reminiscent of bacon fat.
II - Smoke
Smoking indoors can be quite a bother. If you’ve got a range with a fan that vents outdoors or a grill of your own you can do your own ‘hot smoke’ to get you on your way to your own bacon substitute.
Some simple smoking guides are available at websites like allrecipes.com, but doing it yourself is pretty simple. You see it all the time on shows like Iron Chef America.
Basically,
Take a pot with a lid,
Place your woodchips down the bottom,
Put a rack over that,
On the rack place whatever you’d like to smoke, (Eggplant, Carrots, Tofu, Bell Peppers, Poblano Peppers, and New Mexico Chilies all work quite well, or if you‘d like to make your own natural version of liquid smoke try using olive oil or butter placed in a ceramic bowl on the rack.)
Put the pot on a low heat burner
Put the lid on the pot
Keep an eye on the pot, occasionally swirling it around.
Smoke the veggies for about a half an hour to an hour. *
Experiment this so you can get whatever sort of texture you’d like.
* if you do this next to your mom’s set of fancy kitchen drapes you will never get the smell of smoke out.
So, in short: if you’d like your own vegan bacon just coat some veggies in an olive oil/truffle oil blend, sprinkle ‘em with kosher salt, and smoke ‘em.
If you want bacon flavored popcorn, smoke some oil using the process I just described, and use it to cook your popcorn.
Vegan Bacon Mayonnaise? Take a vegan mayo recipe and smoke the oil and add a little extra salt.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
THE BACON CONUNDRUM: PART II
Bacon Mania has its own Wikipedia article.
Seriously. Check it out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bacon_mania
There you can find pictures and descriptions of chocolate covered bacon, bacon topped doughnuts, chicken fried bacon, all the classics drooled over by sweaty mouth breathers the world round. Of course this sort of thing isn’t really my main bone of contention, but rather the kind of gimmicky stuff on sale over at Think Geek and at party centers ‘round the world. My last entry about the Internet’s love of bacon covered my main gripes about Baconnaise, and show off a little bit of my love for Pancetta, but this time around I want to provide for you all, in an enumerated list, all the reasons why these products are pointless - and what you should spend your time ordering off the internet if you really do enjoy a good slice of bacon.
THE BAD:
BACON POPCORN
Available at: http://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/wacky-edibles/cf26/
There are some key points I’m going to address real quick
1. The particular brand of Popcorn sold at Think Geek is microwave popcorn:
Me personally, I hate the smell of microwave popcorn, I’m pretty sure that’s enough… but I’m pretty sure the people who got cancer from working with all the artificial chemicals in microwave popcorn agree with me. (also, if you accuse me of hyperbole then I’m pretty sure you’re worse than Hitler)
2. Again - no real bacon: What’s the point of Bacon Mania if you’re not having bacon?
3. Keeping that in mind, it’s an inferior knock-off of stuff you can get at plenty of high quality establishments:
One example here in Brooklyn: This particular Gastopub/Theater
Now, try Googling Bacon Popcorn + your home town and see what you come up with.
4. Not only can you get the real stuff, It’s a whole lot cheaper to make yourself:
If you order the stuff from Think Geek, you get 3 bags for $4.99. With the addition of Shipping and Handling that comes out to $10.38.
Here in Brooklyn ( not the cheapest area to buy food, mind you) a pound of bacon sets you back anywhere from $3 to $5, while un-popped popcorn costs about $2.50 for a 28oz. Bag. So if you plan it right you can make a whole bunch more popcorn using rendered bacon grease for about half the price of 3 bags of microwave popcorn.
So if that’s not enough reason, say maybe you want to give it as a gag gift:
My response to that is: it’s a shitty overpriced gag gift and you’re a terrible friend, and I don’t see why we hang out anymore.
THE GOOD:
RASHERS (IRISH BACON)
Available at: http://www.tommymoloneys.com/store/bacon-pork-products
If Pancetta is the Ferrari of Bacon, than Rashers are the … wait does Ireland make any cars? I was going to say “Aston Martin” but that’s an English car and I’m pretty sure that’s culturally insensitive. Anyway, I think Rashers are better than Pancetta - and that’s what I told a certain chef-de-cuisine in that conversation I was telling you about the other day. Right before I punched him in the face, pounded down a pint of Guinness, ate a raw potato, and blew up a London bus stop. (oh, ethnic stereotypes are fun!)
Rashers are a kind of Back Bacon - made from the loin of the pig (Think of it as the Bacon equivalent of Filet Mignon) with a strip of fat left on. This makes a Bacon that has a decent amount of fat for that same chewy quality you expect from regular American Bacon but with a solid amount of meat. It’s fairly similar to what we call “Canadian Bacon” - except that Rashers have fat, and Canadian Bacon isn’t from Canada… and apparently they take that really seriously up there, or so I heard.
The Irish thing to do with Rashers is to either lay them out as part of a Full Irish Breakfast, or to stack a few of ‘em on a roll to make a “Bap” - which makes a great ‘on the go’ breakfast sandwich.
To be continued…
Seriously. Check it out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bacon_mania
There you can find pictures and descriptions of chocolate covered bacon, bacon topped doughnuts, chicken fried bacon, all the classics drooled over by sweaty mouth breathers the world round. Of course this sort of thing isn’t really my main bone of contention, but rather the kind of gimmicky stuff on sale over at Think Geek and at party centers ‘round the world. My last entry about the Internet’s love of bacon covered my main gripes about Baconnaise, and show off a little bit of my love for Pancetta, but this time around I want to provide for you all, in an enumerated list, all the reasons why these products are pointless - and what you should spend your time ordering off the internet if you really do enjoy a good slice of bacon.
THE BAD:
BACON POPCORN
Available at: http://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/wacky-edibles/cf26/
There are some key points I’m going to address real quick
1. The particular brand of Popcorn sold at Think Geek is microwave popcorn:
Me personally, I hate the smell of microwave popcorn, I’m pretty sure that’s enough… but I’m pretty sure the people who got cancer from working with all the artificial chemicals in microwave popcorn agree with me. (also, if you accuse me of hyperbole then I’m pretty sure you’re worse than Hitler)
2. Again - no real bacon: What’s the point of Bacon Mania if you’re not having bacon?
3. Keeping that in mind, it’s an inferior knock-off of stuff you can get at plenty of high quality establishments:
One example here in Brooklyn: This particular Gastopub/Theater
Now, try Googling Bacon Popcorn + your home town and see what you come up with.
4. Not only can you get the real stuff, It’s a whole lot cheaper to make yourself:
If you order the stuff from Think Geek, you get 3 bags for $4.99. With the addition of Shipping and Handling that comes out to $10.38.
Here in Brooklyn ( not the cheapest area to buy food, mind you) a pound of bacon sets you back anywhere from $3 to $5, while un-popped popcorn costs about $2.50 for a 28oz. Bag. So if you plan it right you can make a whole bunch more popcorn using rendered bacon grease for about half the price of 3 bags of microwave popcorn.
So if that’s not enough reason, say maybe you want to give it as a gag gift:
My response to that is: it’s a shitty overpriced gag gift and you’re a terrible friend, and I don’t see why we hang out anymore.
THE GOOD:
RASHERS (IRISH BACON)
Available at: http://www.tommymoloneys.com/store/bacon-pork-products
If Pancetta is the Ferrari of Bacon, than Rashers are the … wait does Ireland make any cars? I was going to say “Aston Martin” but that’s an English car and I’m pretty sure that’s culturally insensitive. Anyway, I think Rashers are better than Pancetta - and that’s what I told a certain chef-de-cuisine in that conversation I was telling you about the other day. Right before I punched him in the face, pounded down a pint of Guinness, ate a raw potato, and blew up a London bus stop. (oh, ethnic stereotypes are fun!)
Rashers are a kind of Back Bacon - made from the loin of the pig (Think of it as the Bacon equivalent of Filet Mignon) with a strip of fat left on. This makes a Bacon that has a decent amount of fat for that same chewy quality you expect from regular American Bacon but with a solid amount of meat. It’s fairly similar to what we call “Canadian Bacon” - except that Rashers have fat, and Canadian Bacon isn’t from Canada… and apparently they take that really seriously up there, or so I heard.
The Irish thing to do with Rashers is to either lay them out as part of a Full Irish Breakfast, or to stack a few of ‘em on a roll to make a “Bap” - which makes a great ‘on the go’ breakfast sandwich.
To be continued…
Chicken Psuedo-Italiano
I don’t like dark meat.
That’s not me channeling my inner John Mayer, I genuinely am not a fan of dark meat chicken. That’s not that uncommon, I suppose. Go to any KFC or Popeyes and invariably they seem to be short on white meat. That’s a travesty to foodie types, the dark meat has all the more developed flavor, the more tender and more flavorful meat, the higher fat content and better marbling - I mean, the people who eat white meat must be into dry flavorless crap. Yeah. Probably. White meat chicken is sort of your generic all-purpose meat. Everyone loves it (They even said so on The Onion ) but it does tend to get overcooked and try and basically abused. Still doesn’t diminish the fact that I just plain don’t particularly care for dark meat. There are too many bones, too much cartilage, and the color just seems off too me. Now, at one point in my life I loved dark meat. Chicken legs were the best thing ever when I was a kid - I could eat them… and come to think of it I did, that was probably a contributing factor to my own kinda sorta big weight problem as a kid. (…and also kinda sorta big weight problem still now today sorta) but at one point it just switched off. It was too hard (as an uneducated child) to tell the difference texturally between tender, well cooked dark meat and the undercooked stuff. I started to hate the little bone in the side of the chicken leg, and I hated having to deal with thigh meat. It was just turned blah in an instant.
A lot of my time since beginning to my whole culinary experience deal that you see going on here I’ve been fighting with myself over preconceived notions about how food should be. I grew up on Hardees and General Tso’s Chicken. The ethnic food I was exposed to as a child was either German and British - two cuisines which have been wound so tightly in with American cuisine that at certain points become indistinguishable… or it was the sort of Betty Crocker pseudo-home-cooking designed for bored housewives from the pages of Readers Digest. The first thing I ate that I think most people would consider weird was a Cicada in 2004. Since then I’ve tried to expose myself to a wide variety of foods, but I still keep coming back to dark meat chicken as a stumbling block.
So it was with a great deal of trepidation that I found myself staring down a kitchen devoid of meat except for chicken legs and thighs today. It’s what I had to work with, so I came up with something. Admittedly I took a lot of shortcuts, used some ingredients that most of the foodie community would view with a great deal of derision, but I came up with something - and even though it used a lot of those same bored housewife skillset, it passed the first test (I didn‘t go blind) plus, it tasted alright.
So I thought I could share it with you, my closest … umm… internet readers.
Chicken Cacciatore:
The Ingredients:
1 Small Onion - Small Dice
1 Medium Italian Green Chili Pepper - Small Dice
2 TBSP Olive Oil
½ CUP Tomato Paste
1 TBSP Minced Basil
1 TBSP Minced Oregano
1 TBSP Thyme
1 TBSP Minced Parsley
2 TBSP Minced Garlic
2 TSP Celery Salt
4 Chicken Thighs
4 Chicken Legs
32 OZ. Water
The Process:
1) French the Chicken Legs
Oh, wouldn’t it be witty if I said “no, don’t kiss them?”
What I really want you to do is take a paring knife, Slice at an angle perpendicular to the length of the leg, Cut down to the bone entirely around the circumference of the leg. Separate all the connective tissue, and scrape the bone so there is about ¼ inch of the bone visible.
2) Sweat the Onion and the Pepper in the Olive Oil over medium-heat.
3) Add the Herbs, Garlic, and Celery Salt. Stir.
4) Add the Tomato Paste. Stir
5) Add the Chicken
6) Add the Water
7) Increase the heat to high, Bring to a boil.
8) Once the water begins to boil, reduce to a simmer.
9) Cook for anywhere between 2 to 5 hours, until tender. If the sauce begins to dry up, just add more water. If you want to be fancy, you could also use a white wine (Chablis would be my choice)
10) Serve over pasta, rice, or potatoes.
That’s not me channeling my inner John Mayer, I genuinely am not a fan of dark meat chicken. That’s not that uncommon, I suppose. Go to any KFC or Popeyes and invariably they seem to be short on white meat. That’s a travesty to foodie types, the dark meat has all the more developed flavor, the more tender and more flavorful meat, the higher fat content and better marbling - I mean, the people who eat white meat must be into dry flavorless crap. Yeah. Probably. White meat chicken is sort of your generic all-purpose meat. Everyone loves it (They even said so on The Onion ) but it does tend to get overcooked and try and basically abused. Still doesn’t diminish the fact that I just plain don’t particularly care for dark meat. There are too many bones, too much cartilage, and the color just seems off too me. Now, at one point in my life I loved dark meat. Chicken legs were the best thing ever when I was a kid - I could eat them… and come to think of it I did, that was probably a contributing factor to my own kinda sorta big weight problem as a kid. (…and also kinda sorta big weight problem still now today sorta) but at one point it just switched off. It was too hard (as an uneducated child) to tell the difference texturally between tender, well cooked dark meat and the undercooked stuff. I started to hate the little bone in the side of the chicken leg, and I hated having to deal with thigh meat. It was just turned blah in an instant.
A lot of my time since beginning to my whole culinary experience deal that you see going on here I’ve been fighting with myself over preconceived notions about how food should be. I grew up on Hardees and General Tso’s Chicken. The ethnic food I was exposed to as a child was either German and British - two cuisines which have been wound so tightly in with American cuisine that at certain points become indistinguishable… or it was the sort of Betty Crocker pseudo-home-cooking designed for bored housewives from the pages of Readers Digest. The first thing I ate that I think most people would consider weird was a Cicada in 2004. Since then I’ve tried to expose myself to a wide variety of foods, but I still keep coming back to dark meat chicken as a stumbling block.
So it was with a great deal of trepidation that I found myself staring down a kitchen devoid of meat except for chicken legs and thighs today. It’s what I had to work with, so I came up with something. Admittedly I took a lot of shortcuts, used some ingredients that most of the foodie community would view with a great deal of derision, but I came up with something - and even though it used a lot of those same bored housewife skillset, it passed the first test (I didn‘t go blind) plus, it tasted alright.
So I thought I could share it with you, my closest … umm… internet readers.
Chicken Cacciatore:
The Ingredients:
1 Small Onion - Small Dice
1 Medium Italian Green Chili Pepper - Small Dice
2 TBSP Olive Oil
½ CUP Tomato Paste
1 TBSP Minced Basil
1 TBSP Minced Oregano
1 TBSP Thyme
1 TBSP Minced Parsley
2 TBSP Minced Garlic
2 TSP Celery Salt
4 Chicken Thighs
4 Chicken Legs
32 OZ. Water
The Process:
1) French the Chicken Legs
Oh, wouldn’t it be witty if I said “no, don’t kiss them?”
What I really want you to do is take a paring knife, Slice at an angle perpendicular to the length of the leg, Cut down to the bone entirely around the circumference of the leg. Separate all the connective tissue, and scrape the bone so there is about ¼ inch of the bone visible.
2) Sweat the Onion and the Pepper in the Olive Oil over medium-heat.
3) Add the Herbs, Garlic, and Celery Salt. Stir.
4) Add the Tomato Paste. Stir
5) Add the Chicken
6) Add the Water
7) Increase the heat to high, Bring to a boil.
8) Once the water begins to boil, reduce to a simmer.
9) Cook for anywhere between 2 to 5 hours, until tender. If the sauce begins to dry up, just add more water. If you want to be fancy, you could also use a white wine (Chablis would be my choice)
10) Serve over pasta, rice, or potatoes.
Monday, August 23, 2010
THE BACON CONUNDRUM: PART I
This obsession with bacon needs to stop.
There is no need for Tactical Canned Bacon, Bacon Mints, Chocolate Dipped Bacon, Bacon Floss, Baconnaise, and so on and so on ad infinitum. The Internet’s obsession with bacon is beginning to border on being as obnoxious as Chuck Norris Jokes. That’s a shame, because bacon really is a quality product. Part of my problem is, there’s a wide spectrum of bacon in the world - it doesn’t deserve to be hawked as some cheap gimmick and party favor. I get why Chuck Norris needs his internet fame - he never learned to read and needs the paycheck to continue fighting against the evil evolutionists... but bacon never did anything bad to anyone. We need to understand it, not exploit it. Also, to reiterate, I’m sick of Chuck Norris jokes. But this is about bacon, if you wanted to read about my loathing for all things Chuck Norris you should check out my other blog at:
CHUCKNORRISISACOMPLETEPANSYANDONCETIMEIPUNCHEDHIMINTHEFACEANDHECRIEDLIKEALITTLEGIRLWHOLOSTHERMYLITTLEPONY.blogspot.com
(- editors note: that is not a real blog)
Right, about bacon:
what’s good, and what’s bad? Let’s take a look:
GOOD:
PANCHETTA
Source: Wikipedia
Panchetta is a kind of Belly Bacon, meaning it comes from, well, the belly of the pig.
Panchetta is, according to wikipedia, “A type of dry cured meat, similar to bacon. Salt cured, spiced, and dried for about three months.” I had a discussion once with the Chef de Cuisine at Victoria Gastropub in Columbia, MD about what kind of bacon was the best. He took the opinion that Panchetta was the Ferrari of meat. It’s Italian and everyone knows about it, so that’s one check for that particular metaphor. Check two is that you can get a million uses out of it - Panchetta makes a delicious addition to Pizza, Eggs, as a topping for Broiled Oysters or Clams, and in Sauces ranging from simple cream sauces to traditional fare such as Pasta Carbonara.
BAD:
BACONNAISE
Source: Think Geek
Baconnaise is the big daddy of the internet bacon craze. It’s been on the Daily Show (they mocked it there, but you won’t hear that on the websites selling it) and on Oprah (I’m not sure what they said about it on Oprah, I imagine it came on to explain its feelings or some crap, I don’t watch Oprah, especially not while doing the laundry and I totally didn’t shed a tear or anything when I found out the upcoming season is the last like some giant wuss or something)
Here’s my beef with Baconnaise (PUN VERY MUCH INTENDED. I WILL DESTROY YOU. -Morbo) : So it doesn’t have bacon, they put that right on the bin. Brand honesty, right? Well if you’re looking to add smokey/salty flavor to your vegan/vegetarian dish, there’s no reason to add Baconnaise. It’s superfluous, anyone who’s seriously considering serving this to people would probably do better (and save a couple of bucks in the process) using Chipotle in Adobo, or - if they’re looking to avoid the (still pretty mild) spice - use smoked butter or olive oil. If you want actual bacon flavor - use actual bacon! As for Baconnaise... it’s schlocky… and its lame.
Also it tastes terrible and I was very disappointed.
To be continued…
There is no need for Tactical Canned Bacon, Bacon Mints, Chocolate Dipped Bacon, Bacon Floss, Baconnaise, and so on and so on ad infinitum. The Internet’s obsession with bacon is beginning to border on being as obnoxious as Chuck Norris Jokes. That’s a shame, because bacon really is a quality product. Part of my problem is, there’s a wide spectrum of bacon in the world - it doesn’t deserve to be hawked as some cheap gimmick and party favor. I get why Chuck Norris needs his internet fame - he never learned to read and needs the paycheck to continue fighting against the evil evolutionists... but bacon never did anything bad to anyone. We need to understand it, not exploit it. Also, to reiterate, I’m sick of Chuck Norris jokes. But this is about bacon, if you wanted to read about my loathing for all things Chuck Norris you should check out my other blog at:
CHUCKNORRISISACOMPLETEPANSYANDONCETIMEIPUNCHEDHIMINTHEFACEANDHECRIEDLIKEALITTLEGIRLWHOLOSTHERMYLITTLEPONY.blogspot.com
(- editors note: that is not a real blog)
Right, about bacon:
what’s good, and what’s bad? Let’s take a look:
GOOD:
PANCHETTA
Source: Wikipedia
Panchetta is a kind of Belly Bacon, meaning it comes from, well, the belly of the pig.
Panchetta is, according to wikipedia, “A type of dry cured meat, similar to bacon. Salt cured, spiced, and dried for about three months.” I had a discussion once with the Chef de Cuisine at Victoria Gastropub in Columbia, MD about what kind of bacon was the best. He took the opinion that Panchetta was the Ferrari of meat. It’s Italian and everyone knows about it, so that’s one check for that particular metaphor. Check two is that you can get a million uses out of it - Panchetta makes a delicious addition to Pizza, Eggs, as a topping for Broiled Oysters or Clams, and in Sauces ranging from simple cream sauces to traditional fare such as Pasta Carbonara.
BAD:
BACONNAISE
Source: Think Geek
Baconnaise is the big daddy of the internet bacon craze. It’s been on the Daily Show (they mocked it there, but you won’t hear that on the websites selling it) and on Oprah (I’m not sure what they said about it on Oprah, I imagine it came on to explain its feelings or some crap, I don’t watch Oprah, especially not while doing the laundry and I totally didn’t shed a tear or anything when I found out the upcoming season is the last like some giant wuss or something)
Here’s my beef with Baconnaise (PUN VERY MUCH INTENDED. I WILL DESTROY YOU. -Morbo) : So it doesn’t have bacon, they put that right on the bin. Brand honesty, right? Well if you’re looking to add smokey/salty flavor to your vegan/vegetarian dish, there’s no reason to add Baconnaise. It’s superfluous, anyone who’s seriously considering serving this to people would probably do better (and save a couple of bucks in the process) using Chipotle in Adobo, or - if they’re looking to avoid the (still pretty mild) spice - use smoked butter or olive oil. If you want actual bacon flavor - use actual bacon! As for Baconnaise... it’s schlocky… and its lame.
Also it tastes terrible and I was very disappointed.
To be continued…
We'll call this a "Learning Opportunity"
When I was a kid I used to think the world was awash in magic.
Kitchens in chain restaurants were magical places where the food was all-you-could-eat and there were special magical elixers that made food taste better than anything you could get at home. It was pretty much the same deal at the movie theater - wherever it was they pulled the candy from when you ordered it must’ve looked a bit like Homer’s “Land of Chocolate” from Burns Verkaufen Der Kraftwerk. It’s not like that, of course - the candy is stored in a cabinet under the counter (one that’s uniquely vulnerable to mouse infestation) and kitchens at chain restaurants are catastrophic displays of corporate earnings over care for customers, ingredients, or taste. There’s nothing special. I worked in a movie theater concession stand for 2 years, about half a year longer than I wanted to - but there was this one girl I really wanted to nail. I’ve worked for 2 separate major chains - and the kitchens are surprisingly similar: the wrong equipment for the wrong jobs, food that sits under heat lamps and on steam tables, way more dirty than the average simpleton would like to imagine... yada yada yada. Like anything though, I like to turn it into a learning opportunity. There’s a reason kids like these places: they’re simple, generic food designed to appeal to the most people possible - The Grilled Cheese at one of these places simply involved 2 pieces of White Bread, Processed American Cheese, and that wonderful sort of liquid artificial butter made from God knows what. You put the cheese between the slices of bread, brushed the butter on the outside using a pastry brush, and either put it on the sandwich press or toasted it in a sauté pan simple as that. They could sell $0.50 worth of ingredients to some screaming kid and their self important entitled mother for $5. I’ll give them that, they know what they’re doing.
But knowing that technique, it’s not hard to adapt it to make something that’s actually worth eating, So today I’ll go with the simplest go-to meal I make whenever I don’t really feel like cooking.
Grilled Cheese w/ Tomato & Arugula Salad
Ingredients:
2 Slices Whole Grain Bread
1 oz. Cheddar Cheese (sliced 1/8th inch thick)
3 TBSP Melted Butter
Whole Tomato, Sliced ¼ inch thick.
1 TBSP Olive Oil
Process:
Turn the burner on your stove to high
Put the olive oil in a saute pan or a cast-iron skillet.
Place the Cheese and the Tomato between the slices of bread.
Brush the outside of the sandwich with butter
Once the pan is hot, place the sandwich in the center.
Turn off the heat. Allow the sandwich to toast for about 1 minute
Turn on the heat to medium. Check for a golden-brown color, once that is reached, flip the sandwich over.
Allow to toast until golden brown & the cheese is melted.
Remove, Slice in half serve with Arugula Salad.
Arugula & Goat Cheese Salad
Ingredients:
A handful of Arugula (2 oz by weight)
2 Tbsp Crumbled Goat Cheese
¼ C. Candied Pecans
1/3 oz. Balsamic Vinegar
2/3 oz. Olive Oil
Salt
Fresh Cracked Black Pepper
Process:
Toss together the Arugula, the Candied Pecans, the Vinegar, and the Olive Oil.
Arrange the salad on a plate.
Top with Goat Cheese
Add Salt and Pepper to taste.
Kitchens in chain restaurants were magical places where the food was all-you-could-eat and there were special magical elixers that made food taste better than anything you could get at home. It was pretty much the same deal at the movie theater - wherever it was they pulled the candy from when you ordered it must’ve looked a bit like Homer’s “Land of Chocolate” from Burns Verkaufen Der Kraftwerk. It’s not like that, of course - the candy is stored in a cabinet under the counter (one that’s uniquely vulnerable to mouse infestation) and kitchens at chain restaurants are catastrophic displays of corporate earnings over care for customers, ingredients, or taste. There’s nothing special. I worked in a movie theater concession stand for 2 years, about half a year longer than I wanted to - but there was this one girl I really wanted to nail. I’ve worked for 2 separate major chains - and the kitchens are surprisingly similar: the wrong equipment for the wrong jobs, food that sits under heat lamps and on steam tables, way more dirty than the average simpleton would like to imagine... yada yada yada. Like anything though, I like to turn it into a learning opportunity. There’s a reason kids like these places: they’re simple, generic food designed to appeal to the most people possible - The Grilled Cheese at one of these places simply involved 2 pieces of White Bread, Processed American Cheese, and that wonderful sort of liquid artificial butter made from God knows what. You put the cheese between the slices of bread, brushed the butter on the outside using a pastry brush, and either put it on the sandwich press or toasted it in a sauté pan simple as that. They could sell $0.50 worth of ingredients to some screaming kid and their self important entitled mother for $5. I’ll give them that, they know what they’re doing.
But knowing that technique, it’s not hard to adapt it to make something that’s actually worth eating, So today I’ll go with the simplest go-to meal I make whenever I don’t really feel like cooking.
Grilled Cheese w/ Tomato & Arugula Salad
Ingredients:
2 Slices Whole Grain Bread
1 oz. Cheddar Cheese (sliced 1/8th inch thick)
3 TBSP Melted Butter
Whole Tomato, Sliced ¼ inch thick.
1 TBSP Olive Oil
Process:
Turn the burner on your stove to high
Put the olive oil in a saute pan or a cast-iron skillet.
Place the Cheese and the Tomato between the slices of bread.
Brush the outside of the sandwich with butter
Once the pan is hot, place the sandwich in the center.
Turn off the heat. Allow the sandwich to toast for about 1 minute
Turn on the heat to medium. Check for a golden-brown color, once that is reached, flip the sandwich over.
Allow to toast until golden brown & the cheese is melted.
Remove, Slice in half serve with Arugula Salad.
Arugula & Goat Cheese Salad
Ingredients:
A handful of Arugula (2 oz by weight)
2 Tbsp Crumbled Goat Cheese
¼ C. Candied Pecans
1/3 oz. Balsamic Vinegar
2/3 oz. Olive Oil
Salt
Fresh Cracked Black Pepper
Process:
Toss together the Arugula, the Candied Pecans, the Vinegar, and the Olive Oil.
Arrange the salad on a plate.
Top with Goat Cheese
Add Salt and Pepper to taste.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
I'm sure I could come up with some sort of pun on the term "Sticky Rice" if I were wittier.
I'm not sure who I'm writing this for...
Why do I read the comments section on news websites? It’s full of insipid hate-filled comments by a host of people who aren’t quite as clever as they like to think they are. Here’s the deal: words like “dumbocrats” or “nobama” aren’t as funny as you think they are. You look like an asshole.
I say this for a reason, one that applies to a great number of cooks out there in the culinary world… The vitriolic hate spewed by anonymous commentators who’ve barely mastered the ability to type their own name mirrors what a lot of people out there marching into culinary school or working on the line feel for vegan and vegetarian food - they just don’t get how someone could reject all the great food out there, or just can’t eat a steak, or they dismiss a whole genre in the world of cuisine as a privilege of the first world not worthy of serious consideration.
Now, there are obnoxious vegan and vegetarian kids too - the sanctimonious types who assume that “if you just knew” that chickens had to be killed to make that grilled chicken breast sandwich you’re eating that you would reach the same socio-political zen state that they’ve achieved. They are the kinds of people who show you pictures of tortured animals in a campaign that seems eerily reminiscent of certain pro-life organizations. They’re assholes. I didn’t write this for them.
But I’ve found that you can cook some downright decent food without using animal products. They’re staples in world cuisines - and in a lot of places you can’t get meat regularly and you have to make due with what you’ve got. It’s a simple fact. In addition to that: if you’re broke in the states then knowing how to cook a decent batch of beans and rice can make your day.
So the other day I was rooting though the house for anything halfway decent to make for dinner and not really coming up with anything decent. I wound up coming up with this to eat after taking stock of what I had:
Coconut Chickpea Curry with Sticky Rice
The Ingredients:
2 Tbsp Olive Oil
2 Tsp Chili Oil
2 Cup Diced Onion
1 TBSP Minced Ginger
2 TBSP Minced Cilantro
2 Small Diced, Seeded Jalapenos
1 Can Coconut Milk
2 Limes Juice & Zest
1 LB Chickpeas
64 oz. Water
2 Cups Short Grain Rice
64 oz. Water
8 Sprigs fresh Cilantro.
8 Lime Wedges.
½ C. Dried Flaked Coconut
½ TSP Lemon Zest
½ TSP Lime Zest
½ TSP Orange Zest
2 C. Small Diced Mango, Nectarines, and/or Peaches.
Salt & Pepper to taste
The Process:
1) Soak the Chickpeas overnight in 32oz of water.
2) Soak the rice overnight in 32oz of water.
3) Sweat the Onion, Ginger, Lime Zest, and diced Jalapeno in the Olive and Chili Oil. Over medium-high heat
4) Reduce the heat to low, Add the Lime Juice, Cilantro, and Coconut milk.
5) Drain the chickpeas, add them to the mixture.
6) Simmer for 1-2 Hours until the Chickpeas are tender and the flavor develops to your liking.
7) While the curry is cooking, drain the rice.
8) Place the rice in a pot and cover with 32 oz. of fresh water.
9)Bring the rice to a boil.
10) Reduce the temperature on the rice to medium-low
11) Cook until the water absorbs into the rice. (Around 20 minutes)
12) While this is all going on, preheat your oven to 300 Degrees
13) Toss together the Coconut, Lemon Zest, and Lime Zest
14) spread the Coconut mixture on a cookie sheet
15) Toast the Coconut Mixture until golden brown (7-10 minutes)
16) The rice should be nice and sticky - and should clump together rather well.
17) Scoop a clump the rice into individual serving bowls
18) Pour a ladleful of the Chickpea Curry over the Sticky Rice
19) Sprinkle the Toasted Coconut Mixture on top of the curry. Garnish each bowl with the diced fruit, a wedge of lime and a sprig of cilantro.
*To make the limes easier to cut and juice try rolling them on a cutting board with your hand while applying pressure. This breaks down the fibers inside the lime and makes them easier to work with.
Why do I read the comments section on news websites? It’s full of insipid hate-filled comments by a host of people who aren’t quite as clever as they like to think they are. Here’s the deal: words like “dumbocrats” or “nobama” aren’t as funny as you think they are. You look like an asshole.
I say this for a reason, one that applies to a great number of cooks out there in the culinary world… The vitriolic hate spewed by anonymous commentators who’ve barely mastered the ability to type their own name mirrors what a lot of people out there marching into culinary school or working on the line feel for vegan and vegetarian food - they just don’t get how someone could reject all the great food out there, or just can’t eat a steak, or they dismiss a whole genre in the world of cuisine as a privilege of the first world not worthy of serious consideration.
Now, there are obnoxious vegan and vegetarian kids too - the sanctimonious types who assume that “if you just knew” that chickens had to be killed to make that grilled chicken breast sandwich you’re eating that you would reach the same socio-political zen state that they’ve achieved. They are the kinds of people who show you pictures of tortured animals in a campaign that seems eerily reminiscent of certain pro-life organizations. They’re assholes. I didn’t write this for them.
But I’ve found that you can cook some downright decent food without using animal products. They’re staples in world cuisines - and in a lot of places you can’t get meat regularly and you have to make due with what you’ve got. It’s a simple fact. In addition to that: if you’re broke in the states then knowing how to cook a decent batch of beans and rice can make your day.
So the other day I was rooting though the house for anything halfway decent to make for dinner and not really coming up with anything decent. I wound up coming up with this to eat after taking stock of what I had:
Coconut Chickpea Curry with Sticky Rice
The Ingredients:
2 Tbsp Olive Oil
2 Tsp Chili Oil
2 Cup Diced Onion
1 TBSP Minced Ginger
2 TBSP Minced Cilantro
2 Small Diced, Seeded Jalapenos
1 Can Coconut Milk
2 Limes Juice & Zest
1 LB Chickpeas
64 oz. Water
2 Cups Short Grain Rice
64 oz. Water
8 Sprigs fresh Cilantro.
8 Lime Wedges.
½ C. Dried Flaked Coconut
½ TSP Lemon Zest
½ TSP Lime Zest
½ TSP Orange Zest
2 C. Small Diced Mango, Nectarines, and/or Peaches.
Salt & Pepper to taste
The Process:
1) Soak the Chickpeas overnight in 32oz of water.
2) Soak the rice overnight in 32oz of water.
3) Sweat the Onion, Ginger, Lime Zest, and diced Jalapeno in the Olive and Chili Oil. Over medium-high heat
4) Reduce the heat to low, Add the Lime Juice, Cilantro, and Coconut milk.
5) Drain the chickpeas, add them to the mixture.
6) Simmer for 1-2 Hours until the Chickpeas are tender and the flavor develops to your liking.
7) While the curry is cooking, drain the rice.
8) Place the rice in a pot and cover with 32 oz. of fresh water.
9)Bring the rice to a boil.
10) Reduce the temperature on the rice to medium-low
11) Cook until the water absorbs into the rice. (Around 20 minutes)
12) While this is all going on, preheat your oven to 300 Degrees
13) Toss together the Coconut, Lemon Zest, and Lime Zest
14) spread the Coconut mixture on a cookie sheet
15) Toast the Coconut Mixture until golden brown (7-10 minutes)
16) The rice should be nice and sticky - and should clump together rather well.
17) Scoop a clump the rice into individual serving bowls
18) Pour a ladleful of the Chickpea Curry over the Sticky Rice
19) Sprinkle the Toasted Coconut Mixture on top of the curry. Garnish each bowl with the diced fruit, a wedge of lime and a sprig of cilantro.
*To make the limes easier to cut and juice try rolling them on a cutting board with your hand while applying pressure. This breaks down the fibers inside the lime and makes them easier to work with.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Shot of Whiskey & A Punch in the Face
HOLY SHIT I JUST SAW THE EXPENDABLES IT WAS THE MOST AWESOME MOVIE EVER. THERE WERE SO MANY EXPLOSIONS AND ONE TIME THIS DUDE CAME THROUGH THE FRAME FIRING AN AUTOMATIC SHOTGUN AND BLEW THESE TWO DUDES IN HALF IT WAS SO AWESOME YOU HAVE NO IDEA. THEY TRIED TO SAY IT WASN’T POLITICAL BUT IT WAS ABOUT A LATIN AMERICAN COUNTRY TAKEN OVER BY A CIA GUY WHOSE NAME WAS LITERALLY “JAMES MUNROE.” SERIOUSLY? MONROE DOCTRINE COME ON PEOPLE THAT WAS THE START OF THE WHOLE U.S. INTERVENTION IN LATIN AMERICA. I KNOW. I TOOK A CLASS IN POLITICAL SCIENCE. BUT ANYWAY AT ONE POINT IN THE MOVIE THEY LIT STEVE AUSTIN ON FIRE AND THEN HE GOT PUNCHED IN THE FACE BY A MIDGET. OR MAYBE IT WAS JUST A REALLY SHORT GUY. ANYWAY IT WAS FREAKING AWESOME. IN HONOR OF THE EXPENDABLES I’VE COME UP WITH THE MANLIEST SANDWICH RECIPE EVER:
INGREDIENTS:
1 LOAF SOURDOUGH BREAD
1 BONELESS RIBEYE STEAK (AT LEAST 1.5 INCH THICK)
SALT, PEPPER, BLACKENING SPICE.
WHISKEY
THE PROCEDURE:
1) FIRE UP THE GRILL.
2) THOROUGHLY COAT THE STEAK IN THE BLACKENING SPICE, SALT AND PEPPER.
2) THROW THE STEAK ON THE GRILL
3) CUT THE SOURDOUGH BREAD IN HALF LENGTHWISE
4) FLIP THE STEAK
5) POUR THE WHISKEY INTO A SHOT CLASS.
6) PUT THE STEAK ON THE BREAD. LET THE BLOOD SOAK INTO THE BREAD.
7) TAKE A BITE OF THE STEAK
8) TAKE THE SHOT OF WHISKEY
9) PUNCH YOURSELF IN THE FACE.
I think you should go see The Expendables.
INGREDIENTS:
1 LOAF SOURDOUGH BREAD
1 BONELESS RIBEYE STEAK (AT LEAST 1.5 INCH THICK)
SALT, PEPPER, BLACKENING SPICE.
WHISKEY
THE PROCEDURE:
1) FIRE UP THE GRILL.
2) THOROUGHLY COAT THE STEAK IN THE BLACKENING SPICE, SALT AND PEPPER.
2) THROW THE STEAK ON THE GRILL
3) CUT THE SOURDOUGH BREAD IN HALF LENGTHWISE
4) FLIP THE STEAK
5) POUR THE WHISKEY INTO A SHOT CLASS.
6) PUT THE STEAK ON THE BREAD. LET THE BLOOD SOAK INTO THE BREAD.
7) TAKE A BITE OF THE STEAK
8) TAKE THE SHOT OF WHISKEY
9) PUNCH YOURSELF IN THE FACE.
I think you should go see The Expendables.
Friday, August 20, 2010
3 Luigis Review
I Like Hole in the Wall Pizza Places.
I was talking about it with Julie while we were sitting outside 3 Luigis on Grand Avenue in Clinton Hill tearing into the plate of chicken wings one of the cooks had just set down in front of us. A hole in the wall place operates by the seat of its pants - no advertising budget, no flashy signs, just operating just word on mouth. It means you’ve got to do what you do right. 3 Luigis does. The Pizza - It’s like two crusts in one. Fantastic. Crispy outside to the crust, but still chewy. This means it folds but the edge snaps cleanly while the pizza itself holds together. I’m not usually a fan of greasy pizzas and the pepperoni and cheese make it a tad greasy - but in a good way that contrasts the crispness of the crust; and it’s fantastic for it. Not to mention the Pepperoni is nice and spicy, thin cut (to avoid those curious pepperoni-grease bowls you get at some pizza joints) and generously portioned per slice. The cheese is good - but it doesn’t make the pie. The sauce is kind of thin, but very flavorful and keeps the grease from soaking into the crust too quickly.
Pizza:
Crust: 9
Sauce: 7
Cheese: 7
Topping(s): 8
Overall Rating: 8 (B)
Also; I love Me Some Chicken Wings.
I take them seriously. I once got into a shouting match with a chef instructor at BIC as to how to properly prepare Buffalo wings. It’s a simple process to make great Buffalo wings - par cook them, fry them quick, and toss them in a simple sauce made of hot sauce and butter. With that in mind, I’m not gonna lie: 3 Luigis makes a downright decent Buffalo wing. The wings are coated in a simple spicy sauce and the wings are nice and tender and slightly crispy on the outside… although it gets a little dry by the time you get to the middle of the drumsticks. The winglets on the other hand are nice and tender - you can pull the bones apart real easy so you really get the benefit of the crisp & tender combination. Also, they’re not afraid to sauce their wings, I can’t count how many times we’ve gotten wings from pizza places around here and they’ve been dried, withered, and unappealing. I’m glad this place is so close by, I plan to show it off to any out-of-towners who stop by.
Wings:
Tenderness: 7
Crispiness: 7
Doneness: 6
Sauce Flavor: 10
Sauciness: 9
Overall Rating: 8.5 (B+)
Also, Maybe it's because we got there at an off-peak hour but the service was pretty fantastic. Seriously. I was expecting to have to carry our pie back to our seat, but they brought it out - and although they forgot the wings, once I brought it up they made them quick and brought it out to us promptly. I was really impressed.
So there you have it. Also, yeah, some sort of sarcastic comment about society should go in there somewhere but I can't think of anything right now. Sorry.
I was talking about it with Julie while we were sitting outside 3 Luigis on Grand Avenue in Clinton Hill tearing into the plate of chicken wings one of the cooks had just set down in front of us. A hole in the wall place operates by the seat of its pants - no advertising budget, no flashy signs, just operating just word on mouth. It means you’ve got to do what you do right. 3 Luigis does. The Pizza - It’s like two crusts in one. Fantastic. Crispy outside to the crust, but still chewy. This means it folds but the edge snaps cleanly while the pizza itself holds together. I’m not usually a fan of greasy pizzas and the pepperoni and cheese make it a tad greasy - but in a good way that contrasts the crispness of the crust; and it’s fantastic for it. Not to mention the Pepperoni is nice and spicy, thin cut (to avoid those curious pepperoni-grease bowls you get at some pizza joints) and generously portioned per slice. The cheese is good - but it doesn’t make the pie. The sauce is kind of thin, but very flavorful and keeps the grease from soaking into the crust too quickly.
Pizza:
Crust: 9
Sauce: 7
Cheese: 7
Topping(s): 8
Overall Rating: 8 (B)
Also; I love Me Some Chicken Wings.
I take them seriously. I once got into a shouting match with a chef instructor at BIC as to how to properly prepare Buffalo wings. It’s a simple process to make great Buffalo wings - par cook them, fry them quick, and toss them in a simple sauce made of hot sauce and butter. With that in mind, I’m not gonna lie: 3 Luigis makes a downright decent Buffalo wing. The wings are coated in a simple spicy sauce and the wings are nice and tender and slightly crispy on the outside… although it gets a little dry by the time you get to the middle of the drumsticks. The winglets on the other hand are nice and tender - you can pull the bones apart real easy so you really get the benefit of the crisp & tender combination. Also, they’re not afraid to sauce their wings, I can’t count how many times we’ve gotten wings from pizza places around here and they’ve been dried, withered, and unappealing. I’m glad this place is so close by, I plan to show it off to any out-of-towners who stop by.
Wings:
Tenderness: 7
Crispiness: 7
Doneness: 6
Sauce Flavor: 10
Sauciness: 9
Overall Rating: 8.5 (B+)
Also, Maybe it's because we got there at an off-peak hour but the service was pretty fantastic. Seriously. I was expecting to have to carry our pie back to our seat, but they brought it out - and although they forgot the wings, once I brought it up they made them quick and brought it out to us promptly. I was really impressed.
So there you have it. Also, yeah, some sort of sarcastic comment about society should go in there somewhere but I can't think of anything right now. Sorry.
Random Thought of the Day II
I had a dream that I took a dance class taught by Mario Batali. Is that weird?
Cookies Cookies Cookies Cookies: Part I - The Oatmealening
Meanwhile, at the most ridiculously named hotel ever…
The first serious kitchen job I had (as in - I had actual responsibilities) was in a Hotel in Baltimore. It was basically a pantry gig, except I got all the fancy titles - Garde Manger, Patissier, anything I asked for really. Unfortunately I was still making 8 and a half bucks an hour and maybe getting 25 hours a week. The restaurant was more of an afterthought - an excuse to charge more for the rooms. When I worked there the current incarnation was a “fresh and organic” restaurant. This was still something of a novelty in Baltimore in 2004, but it went out the window after the first couple of months once people stopped coming in, slowly at first but once we were down to 2 to 4 tables a night, it was pretty obvious why we were down there.
To make sure the hotel got some use out of us, they encouraged us to come up with a daily snack. Of course, this gave the other employees and me a wonderful opportunity to experiment with the ingredients we had - every week there was a new gimmick; either new specials for the restaurant, or some sort of snack for the guests. We sent up Giardiniera for a bit - but it turns out not all that many people want a room temperature bowl of vinegary cauliflower and peppers when they check into their room. For a bit we did roasted chestnuts - they cost a lot, go bad quickly, and about five people in the country know that you’re supposed to eat them. Popcorn was pretty popular for a while, but what wound up being the longest running of these was a chewy oatmeal-apple-cinnamon cookie.
They might still be serving them, I don’t know…
What I do know is that getting these cookies to be the favorite of the management was pretty much an exercise in frustration and failure. The first time we made it we tried using fresh apples - the cookies spread into a flat mess. We tried cooking the apples - thinking that would dissolve off some of the liquid - that kind of made it worse. Eventually the Executive Chef got the idea to just order some dried apples. The dried apples worked - so the chef got the idea to roll the cookie dough up and freeze it - so we could cut cookies off and bake them whenever we needed them. This kind of sort of resulted in us having irregularly cut, overcooked, tiny cookies that no one liked. So we just made a big batch at a time and cook them at a lower temperature for a shorter time period. That worked, but the prep time took so long in terms of weighing everything; so that was a pain in the ass when we were in a rush. So FINALLY we just used a portion scoop, nice and simple… but yeah, if you managed to follow that we basically spent 2 months trying to get these things right - so take note: chefs can fuck up over and over, too - especially when trying out a new recipe.
but here’s what you came for:
The Ingredients:
Just a side note - if you follow the amounts in this recipe you will make a fuckton of cookies. Convert it down smaller if you only want to make a few to try. Or make the whole batch, I guess, if you’ve got a bake sale or something coming up… or if you just really really like cookies.
3 Lbs Butter
4.5 C. Granulated Sugar
4 C. Brown Sugar (1 32 oz. bag)
2 Tbsp Vanilla
12 C. Rolled Oats (Oatmeal - not instant)
6 C. Flour
3 Teaspoons Salt
6 C. Dried Apples
¼ C. Cinnamon Sugar
The Process:
1) Cream together the Butter, the Granulated Sugar and the Brown Sugar using the electric mixer.
2) Sift the flour into a separate mixing bowl. Add the Rolled Oats, Salt, and Dried Apples.
3) Combine the Eggs and Vanilla in an other mixing bowl.
4) In the electric mixer, add the dry ingredients and the wet ingredients to the butter and sugar. Do this by alternating the dry and wet ingredients - add some of the dry then some of the wet, then more of the dry, more of the wet…
… you get where I’m going with this. This process makes sure the ingredients are evenly distributed.
5) Portion out the cookies by scooping them onto a parchment lined sheet tray. Make sure you leave enough room for the cookies to spread.
6) Bake at 300 degrees until the edges turn golden brown (10-15 minutes, depending)
7) Remove, allow to cool before removing from tray. The cookies should remain soft and chewy.
The point of allowing the cookies to cool is so they continue the baking process and settle to a point where you can actually pick them up without breaking up
8) Get dressed and dance the night away.
As for the hotel - they wound up opening a new restaurant in the same place after the crew I was with got fed up and all quit. Did the same thing a couple of years later, and again after that - not really surprising, all things considered.
The first serious kitchen job I had (as in - I had actual responsibilities) was in a Hotel in Baltimore. It was basically a pantry gig, except I got all the fancy titles - Garde Manger, Patissier, anything I asked for really. Unfortunately I was still making 8 and a half bucks an hour and maybe getting 25 hours a week. The restaurant was more of an afterthought - an excuse to charge more for the rooms. When I worked there the current incarnation was a “fresh and organic” restaurant. This was still something of a novelty in Baltimore in 2004, but it went out the window after the first couple of months once people stopped coming in, slowly at first but once we were down to 2 to 4 tables a night, it was pretty obvious why we were down there.
To make sure the hotel got some use out of us, they encouraged us to come up with a daily snack. Of course, this gave the other employees and me a wonderful opportunity to experiment with the ingredients we had - every week there was a new gimmick; either new specials for the restaurant, or some sort of snack for the guests. We sent up Giardiniera for a bit - but it turns out not all that many people want a room temperature bowl of vinegary cauliflower and peppers when they check into their room. For a bit we did roasted chestnuts - they cost a lot, go bad quickly, and about five people in the country know that you’re supposed to eat them. Popcorn was pretty popular for a while, but what wound up being the longest running of these was a chewy oatmeal-apple-cinnamon cookie.
They might still be serving them, I don’t know…
What I do know is that getting these cookies to be the favorite of the management was pretty much an exercise in frustration and failure. The first time we made it we tried using fresh apples - the cookies spread into a flat mess. We tried cooking the apples - thinking that would dissolve off some of the liquid - that kind of made it worse. Eventually the Executive Chef got the idea to just order some dried apples. The dried apples worked - so the chef got the idea to roll the cookie dough up and freeze it - so we could cut cookies off and bake them whenever we needed them. This kind of sort of resulted in us having irregularly cut, overcooked, tiny cookies that no one liked. So we just made a big batch at a time and cook them at a lower temperature for a shorter time period. That worked, but the prep time took so long in terms of weighing everything; so that was a pain in the ass when we were in a rush. So FINALLY we just used a portion scoop, nice and simple… but yeah, if you managed to follow that we basically spent 2 months trying to get these things right - so take note: chefs can fuck up over and over, too - especially when trying out a new recipe.
but here’s what you came for:
The Ingredients:
Just a side note - if you follow the amounts in this recipe you will make a fuckton of cookies. Convert it down smaller if you only want to make a few to try. Or make the whole batch, I guess, if you’ve got a bake sale or something coming up… or if you just really really like cookies.
3 Lbs Butter
4.5 C. Granulated Sugar
4 C. Brown Sugar (1 32 oz. bag)
2 Tbsp Vanilla
12 C. Rolled Oats (Oatmeal - not instant)
6 C. Flour
3 Teaspoons Salt
6 C. Dried Apples
¼ C. Cinnamon Sugar
The Process:
1) Cream together the Butter, the Granulated Sugar and the Brown Sugar using the electric mixer.
2) Sift the flour into a separate mixing bowl. Add the Rolled Oats, Salt, and Dried Apples.
3) Combine the Eggs and Vanilla in an other mixing bowl.
4) In the electric mixer, add the dry ingredients and the wet ingredients to the butter and sugar. Do this by alternating the dry and wet ingredients - add some of the dry then some of the wet, then more of the dry, more of the wet…
… you get where I’m going with this. This process makes sure the ingredients are evenly distributed.
5) Portion out the cookies by scooping them onto a parchment lined sheet tray. Make sure you leave enough room for the cookies to spread.
6) Bake at 300 degrees until the edges turn golden brown (10-15 minutes, depending)
7) Remove, allow to cool before removing from tray. The cookies should remain soft and chewy.
The point of allowing the cookies to cool is so they continue the baking process and settle to a point where you can actually pick them up without breaking up
8) Get dressed and dance the night away.
As for the hotel - they wound up opening a new restaurant in the same place after the crew I was with got fed up and all quit. Did the same thing a couple of years later, and again after that - not really surprising, all things considered.
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